Something Random
by Hybrid-Sunshine
Summary: Some random pointless stuff that I come up with when I'm bored. Rated for language, it gets bad.
1. Curses! Part 1

Yo! This is just something completely pointless and random. I do not own Xiaolin Showdown or any of it's characters in any way, but I do own Hybrid.

Something Random

Curses!

In some completely random universe that they were randomly thrown into due to Jack Spicer's random idiotic-ness, he, Chase Young, Katnappe, Hybrid, and the Wudai Warriors stand there, not knowing what to do. Jack was sulking in a corner, Chase was talking with Kat, and Hybrid and the Warriors were trying to figure out how to get out of there.

Hybrid shakes her head. "Well, I got nothin'."

Kimiko sighs. "Same here."

Clay lowers his hat over his eyes. "Me too."

Omi droops forward, his arms dangling. "I am sorry to say that I am, too."

"It's all his fault!" Raimundo shouts, pointing an accusing finger at Jack.

Chase breaks his conversation with Katnappe to turn and glare at the strange Goth boy. "What have you got to say for yourself, Spicer?"

"Probably something stupid, as always." Kat comments with a mean smirk.

Jack doesn't say anything.

Raimundo gets impatient with his silence. "Answer us!"

After another minute of silence, Raimundo, fed up with waiting, ran over and punched the side of Jack's face, hard. Jack looked incredulously at Rai, stunned. Then, his stunned look turned to angry to furious to just plain I'M-GONNA-EFFIN'-KILL-YOU! Then, it happened...

"Raimundo! What the (BUCKA!) was that for!"

Everyone stares at him weirdly, even Chase's eyebrows were high on his head. Where Jack was supposed to have said a really bad word, a chicken sounded! Jack apparently noticed this, too and looked around in confusion.

"Am I the only one who heard a chicken just now?" he asked, finding that there was no chicken in sight.

"If we're all staring at you, then, no, you weren't the only one." Chase says, giving Jack a skeptical look.

Jack scowls at his idol. "But, where'd it go?"

They all think on it. Then, Kimiko got an idea. "...Cuss again."

The redhead tilts his head in confusion. "Why?"

"Just do what the lady tells ya." the cowboy says to him.

Omi was very confused by this. "'Cuss'? What does this 'cuss' mean?"

"When you say a really bad word." Raimundo explains to him.

"Bad word? Like what? 'Dishonor'? 'Stupid'?"

"You must be pretty (CLUCK-CLUCK!) stupid not to know what cussing is."

Everyone stares at Jack again.

Hybrid shouts, pointing at him, "He made the chicken noise again!"

Jack was getting really irritated at this. "Alright, I wanna know what the (BUCK!) is going on here!"

"Apparently, the WB channel is going to extreme lengths to censor our potty mouthy-ness." Katnappe figures out.

Jack shrugs. "So?"

"So, instead of saying the word, they're covering it up with funny animal noises!" Hybrid concludes.

"Is 'moron' a bad word? What about 'idiot'? 'Poop'?" Omi asks, still trying to figure out the meaning of "cuss".

Jack folds his arms. "Well, you're getting closer."

"'Crap'?"

"Stop encouraging him, you (dolphin chirping!) (dolphin chirp!)hole!"

Everyone gasps at Kimiko, who covers her mouth, eyes wide, not believing what she just said.

Chase smirks at her. "Wow. I never would have thought _you'd_ be the next to say something bad."

"Yeah, considering on how she's such a (MEOWING!) goody-goody!"

Everyone stares at Katnappe who just stands there dumbstruck.

"Okay, what the (THUNDER!) is going on here?"

Everyone stares at Rai.

Raimundo cusses again, thunder erupting from his mouth. "I get thunder! That is so (THUNDER!) cool!"

Hybrid stares at him. "...Holy (ARF!)... Sweet! I get a dog!"

Chase, who was curious, said a curse word and wolf's howl sounded. "A wolf... I'm beginning to like this new transformation."

"Yeah! It's (ARF-ARF!) awesome!"

Omi, Kimiko, Clay, and Jack stare at Katnappe, Raimundo, Hybrid, and Chase, who stand there making dog, cat, thundering, and wolf sounds to each other.

Kimiko looked up at the disqusted cowboy. "Clay, what'd you get?"

"I dunno and I don't wanna find out."

"Come on, Clay!" coaxes Raimundo. "This is (THUNDER!) awesome!"

"I am also rather curious." Omi says, eager to hear Clay's cuss censor.

"No. I ain't cursin'."

"(BUCKING!) chicken." Jack mutters under his breath, smirking.

Clay turns away, continuing to be stubborn. "Forget it. I'm gonna be as silent as a cactus on a cotton-dry summer day."

Katnappe, with a loud MEOW, swoops over and takes Clay's hat.

That's when Clay lost it. "(MOO!) IT ALL! WHAT THE (MOO!) IS YOUR (MOOING!) PROBLEM, YOU (MOOING!) CAT-WANNABE!"

Everyone stares at him, mouths hanging open at Clay's sudden outburst, giving Clay the opportunity to awkwardly take his hat back from the stunned cat woman.

"Clay gets cows!" Hybrid yells excitedly.

"It's not fair!"

Everyone turns to look at Jack.

Chase raises a confused eyebrow. "What's not fair?"

"This! You get a wolf, Hybrid gets a dog, Kimiko gets dolphins, Raimundo gets thunder, Clay gets cows, but what do I get? A (rooster crow!) CHICKEN!"

"And a rooster." Kimiko points out.

Jack rolls his crimson eyes. "Wow. A rooster. Boy, do I feel special, DOLPHIN GIRL!"

Kimiko flares up. Her currently red hair seemed to go redder. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME YOU (dolphin chirping) CHICKEN BOY!"

"YOU (CLUCKING!) HEARD ME!"

In a matter of seconds, the room was filled with the sounds of animals and thunder. Then, a loud gong rumbled through the air, silence following.

Clay looked around frantically. "What in (MOOING!) tarnation was that?"

The gong sounded again. Clay, Chase, Katnappe, Hybrid, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Jack all stare at Omi, who opens his mouth, emitting a loud gong sound. He smiles triumphantly.

"I have discovered a cuss word!" He makes another lound gong sound.

Jack raises his arms and screams in frustration. "I don't believe this! CUE-BALL GETS A (CLUCKING!) GONG SOUND WHILE I'M STUCK WITH CHICKENS AND A ROOSTER!"

--

I don't know what compelled me to write this…


	2. Curses! Part 2

Disclaimer: Not owning! Why must I say it!

Curses! Part 2

Dojo flies back to the Xiaolin Temple and tells Master Fung what happened. Fung scolds him.

"So, I'm just supposed to believe that a giant Catbus and a girl with dark brown hair tied back in a low pony tail, wearing an indigo headband, a dark blue hoody jacket, and baggy jeans appeared out no where, picked up everyone and ran off?" Master Fung asks Dojo, his arms folded.

Dojo raises his claws. "Yeah!"

(A/N: I just saw Miyazaki's "My Neighbor Totoro". Loved it! The Catbus was in it. I will soon post a link to where to find pics on my profile so you know what the Catbus looks like, for I can't really explain it.)

Fung raises an eyebrow. "And now they're all in another demention because of Spicer's idiocy?"

Dojo nodds. "Pretty much, yeah."

"And you're not there because...?"

"The giant catbus scared me! IT WAS ALIVE!"

While Fung was still scolding the green lizard/dragon, Wuya was hiding in the bushes and thought this was the perfect time to get some Shen Gong Wu considering that Chase was gone for the moment. However, she also wanted to make it exciting so she wanted them to know she was there. So, she jumped out of the bush and made an impressive pose, hoping the the old man and Dojo would see her there.

"What if the young monks caught colds? Who would be there for them to give it to? You can't give people colds!"

Wuya droops forward. "Huh?"

They hadn't noticed her. So, she walked up to stand next to them.

"Why would I want to catch their colds?" Dojo argues. "I just had one this morning!"

They still hadn't noticed Wuya. This got the old Heylin witch angry.

"What does it take to get any (baby crying!) attention around here!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her arms raised in the air.

That certainly got it. Master Fung and Dojo looked around for the source of the baby that had cried, but instead they saw a very shocked Wuya covering her mouth.

Dojo gawked at Master Fung. "What was that?"

"I think it was..." Fung finally noticed her. "Wuya?"

Wuya smacks her forehead. "Yes! I was here the entire time! Nice of you to notice!"

Fung raised his eyebrows at the red-haired woman. "Did you just say a curse word?"

"I think I did..."

Dojo points a challenging claw at her. "Well, I dare ya to say it again!"

"DON'T (baby wail!) PUSH ME, REPTILE!"

They stare at her again.

This gave Dojo an idea. "I wonder..." He cusses and a train horn blows. "Nice!"

Wuya put her hands on her hips. "Man! I don't want a (nuclear explosion!) baby as my censor!"

"Then what was that...?" the old man questioned.

Wuya cheers. "Yay! I get (baby wailing!) explosions..." Her cheerfulness faded as the baby wailing came back.

Dojo laughs at her. "You got the (train horn blowing!) baby again!"

Wuya screams, her fists clenched in the air. "AUGH (VERY loud baby wail!)!"

Fung rubs in between his eyes. "Please, will you two stop? It is annoying my 64 year old ears."

Wuya folds her arms and scowls at him. "Aw, (nuclear explosion!) you."

"You did the explosion thing again!" Dojo points out.

Wuya thinks for a second. "You know, I think it's a pattern... (cursing) (baby wail! baby wail! NUCLEAR EXPLOSION! baby wail!) It appears I get a nuclear explosion after I cuss twice with the baby wails."

Dojo rubs his head, feeling a headache coming on. "That's weird."

"I SHOULD GET (baby wail!) NUCLEAR EXPLOSIONS THE ENTIRE TIME!"

"Take it up with the authoress." Fung says in a wise tone.

Wuya thinks for a second. "Um... What was I here for? Oh yeah!" She pounces onto Fung.

Master Fung exploded! "WHAT THE (foghorn!) IS YOUR (foghorn!) PROBLEM, YOU MOTHER (foghorn!)ING (foghorn!)"

Wuya and Dojo stare at Fung. Wuya remains on top of Fung, pinning him down. Then, the ground started rumbling and a loud meow echoed throughout the valley that held the Xiaolin Temple. Dojo slithers away to hide in a potted plant, peeking over the edge. The three of them see a giant striped orange/brown cat with at least eight legs on either side of it bounding down the mountain side, it's eyes emitting light like headlights. There were window-like holes on the sides of it and they could see the Warriors, Chase Young, a girl, Katnappe, and Jack Spicer hanging onto furry poles and handles, screaming (even Chase was screaming, but not as loudly).

The Catbus slowed to a stop and next to Fung and Wuya (who still had him pinned down). A 'window' widened into a doorway-like exit so the passengers could get out. They did, a slight wobble in all of their steps. Everyone got off except Hybrid. She and the Catbus give them wide grins and ride away over the mountains.

Jack ran to Dojo's flower pot and began vomiting in it. It was a good thing that Dojo managed to escape in time or else he would've been a mess.

"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE (train horn!) THROWIN' UP IN, KID!" The miniature dragon shakes an angry fist at the sick Evil Boy Genius.

Chase stares at Wuya's position. "What the (wolf's howl!) do you think you're doing?"

Wuya snaps out of it. "Nothing."

Omi runs over to his master, who pushes Wuya off of him, gets up and brushes himself off. "Master Fung! Master Fung! I have discovered a new word!"

Fung puts his hands into his sleeves and raises an eyebrow at the little monk. "Oh, did you?"

Omi nodds vigorously. "Yes! (gong noise!)"

Fung's eyes widen. "...Why am I glad that there was a censor there?"

Raimundo recovers from his dizzy spell. "It's so cool! We all got censors! I got thunder, Kim got dolphins, Clay got cows, Omi got a gong, Chase got a wolf, Kitty-Litter got cats (what a surprise), and Spicer got chickens!"

"And a rooster!" Kimiko remembers.

Clay stops throwing up in his hat. "Almost makes ya feel sorry for the poor little (MOOING!)."

"Yeah. Too (THUNDER!) bad for him!"

"(dolphin chirping!) yeah!"

"(GOOOOOONG!)" Omi smiles widely.

Jack rises long enough to scowl at them and make a series of cursing chicken and rooster censors. Wuya makes a huge nuclear explosion cuss word and Chase starts making wolf sounds at them, telling them to shut up.

"That is quite enough!" Fung shouts in a furious tone. Everyonegrew silent at his anger. "Only I am allowed to say such words! Now go wash out your mouths with fabric softener and laundry detergent and air freshener! THAT MEANS YOU, DOJO, WUYA, AND CHASE YOUNG!"

They all go grumbling towards the washing room where the laundry was done. Fung folds his arms and nodds.

Fung looks around, making sure no one was around. "(foghorn!) YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M (foghorn!) TALKIN' 'BOUT!" He clears his throat and smiles to himself. "That felt good."

--

Well, that was weird...


	3. Crazy Bus Ride

Disclaimer: (sigh) Sadly, I don't own anything in here except the very seriously weird idea. Also, imagine them in a city.

--

Crazy Bus Ride

It's the first day of school and the Xiaolin Monks, Jack Spicer, and Chase Young were waiting for the school bus to arrive at the bus stop. Omi was running around in circles, excited. Kimiko was blasting J-rock music in her ears. Clay was carving a wooden cow. Raimundo was grumbling to himself. Jack was sitting on the ground, doodling in the dirt with his finger boredly. Chase was tapping his foot eagerly.

After about five minutes of no-bus-coming...

Raimundo was getting irritated at Omi's running around. "Will you stop that!"

Omi continues running. "I am sorry, but I cannot help it! I am just so (GONG!) excited!"

"Omi, you can't say stuff like that in school." Clay scolded, putting the cow away.

Omi stops. "Why?"

"'Cause it's improper conduct."

"Yeah, which is one of the millions of reasons that makes school SO (THUNDER!) BORING! What's there to be excited about?" Raimundo shouts, earning a whack on the head by Kimiko.

"Shut up, Rai. Just be happy it's just for one day."

Jack looks up at Kimiko and Rai and nodds but doesn't say anything.

Chase was still being axious, looking around for the bus.

Jack looks at Chase and asks, "Why are you even here, Chase?"

"I have my reasons..."

"I bet it's just because the authoress is forcing you to be here!"

Chase gives Jack a death glare, which made the redhead stop smirking and go back to doodling in the ground.

"The reason I'm here is to meet the new bus driver."

Clay stares at the evil man. "Why's that? What happened to the old one?"

"Got in an accident. That's all." Chase said a little too quickly.

Before anyone could say anything, they heard the bus coming. Jack stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants and bottom of his trench coat. Kimiko turned her music down low. Omi managed to stand in one place but was unable to contain his excited twitching. Clay straightened his hat. Chase stood completely still as the bus grew nearer. Raimundo groans. The bus door slid open and everyone gasped at who they saw. A tanned, barefoot woman with long red hair, topped with a bus cap, wearing a black dress was sitting in the driver's seat. She gave them a fake, cheery smile.

Chase stepped forward, a scowl fixed on his face. "What do you think you are doing here!"

Wuya opened her bright green eyes at them and gave them a skeptical look. "Listen. It's just a part-time job. I needed _something _to do while Chase was away! So, are you getting on or what?"

They all sigh and walk onto the bus. Raimundo takes a seat way in the back and stares grouchily out the window. Kimiko and Clay sit in some random seats near the middle. Jack sits in the front right seat, fiddling with his fingers, flicking the dirt out of them, and Chase was in the opposite seat that's behind the driver's. However, Omi was running from the back to the front of the school bus excitedly, screaming like the little kid he was. Wuya floors if for a second then slams on the brakes, causing the bus to jerk forward, along with the riders, poor hyperactive Omi slammed flat against the windshield.

Wuya snickers. "Maybe that'll teach you to not run on a bus."

Omi un-sticks himself from the window and plops in the seat behind Jack, rubbing his head. Jack, however, continues to fiddle with his fingers, trying his best not to laugh outloud. He always acted like this on school buses. He had bad experiences with buses.

Chase takes out a clipboard and writes something down, shaking his head. It appeared he was some kind of bus inspector or something.

Then, the bus started moving, slowly at first, but then rose to a steady speed within the limit. All was fine until they got to the first red light...

Wuya stopped as she was supposed to. After about what seemed like an hour, the light finally turned green, and the bus moved forward and made a right turn. Then, they were stopped by another red light. Then another. And another. This really, I mean **_REALLY,_** got on Wuya's nerves. She growled at the fifth red light, impatiently drumming her long fingers on the steering wheel. After about five seconds, she floored it and zoomed through the red light. Everyone screamed as they were pinned against the backs of their seats.

Finally, Wuya managed to regain control of herself and slowed down the bus. Everyone was breathing heavily.

Jack was clutching where his heart was. "Geez, woman! I nearly got a heart attack because of you!"

"Shut up, Jack." Wuya growled.

When she stopped at another red light, the man in the car next to her (a blue Mustang), who was cut off by Wuya's speeding bus and nearly got into an accident, flipped her off, threw some very bad curse words at her, and turned left, speeding away. Wuya stared after the blue Mustang, her mouth hanging open. The passangers were laughing their asses off, including Chase Young, who actually had tears in his eyes. "He really told you off, did he not, Wuya?" he managed to choke out.

The monks andJack started singing "Wuya got told off" over and over again. Wuya was still in shock.

"THAT DISRESPECTFUL BASTARD!"

That got everyone to shut up. "What happened to your censor?" Rai asked.

Jack was outraged. "Yeah! Why do you get to cuss! I'm still stuck with (BUCKA!) chickens!"

However, Wuya instead turns the bus left when they were supposed to go right, even though they were in the wrong lane to do so and the light was red, and floors it after the car, after the man that gave her the finger! What's more, she was driving in the wrong lane, swerving out of the way of incoming cars and some screeched to their stops right in the middle of the road. Sometimes, she even ran the cars over! However, no blue Mustang was in sight.

It was pure chaos. People were screaming and running out of the way of the speeding school bus as Wuya didn't bother to lift her foot from the pedal as she drove all over town, continuing to pick up more speed than a normal school bus should, more like a VERY fast race car. When she felt that the winding streets were getting annoying, she just drove through the buildings! One of them actually collapsed in her wake! She ran every stop light, every stop sign, and ran over anyone who got in the way of her road rage. After a while, she was being hounded by hundreds of cop cars.

The passangers on the bus were in the worst shape of all. Jack was way paler than usual and started to go green, screaming his girly scream louder than he ever had in his life. Kimiko was screaming and bouncing in her seat, frequantly ramming into her window. Clay was hanging onto the bottom of his seat so tightly that his knuckles werestarting to turn purple from the pressure, making an 'eeeeeeeeee' sound through his clenched teeth as he rocked back and forth, his eyes shut tight, not bothering to pick up his hat that had fallen off. Raimundo was either thrown into the left to right walls of the bus from the great force of Wuya's sharp turns. Poor Omi was flying all over the bus, screaming, finally staying put against the sickly Jack. Chase Young was screaming for Wuya to slow down, waving his arms frantically, but Wuya was too absorbed in her anger.

Jack: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Omi: YAAAAAAAAH!

Kimiko: CRAP! MY WALKMAN BROKE! WAAAAAH!

Clay: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Raimundo: AAAAAAAAAAAH--OOF! AAAAAAAAAAAH--OOF!

Chase: WUYA! IN ALL THAT IS SANE, SLOW DOWN!

Wuya: THAT MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BASTARD-BITCH! (honks horn) GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!

Omi: (eyes widen) AAH! THE GRANDPA! WATCH OUT FOR THE GRANDPA!

They all screamed as the old man slammed against the windshield, walker and all.

Passangers: AAH!

Wuya honks the horn over and over again. "GET OFF YOU OLD FART!" Wuya continues to speed down the street and activates the windshield wipers to full power. The wipers whack against the grandpa, making him wheeze with each whack.

After managing to keep himself in place by gripping the back of the seat in front of his, Raimundo shouts from the back, "Spray him! He'll slide off!"

She does so and the soaking grandpa falls off onto an old lady. He stands back up, picking up his walker and walking slowly away. "Dumbass little disrespectful whipper-snappers..."

Wuya looks around and growls in furious frustration. "THAT OLD FART SHOULD'VE STAYED OUT OF MY WAY! WHERE THE HELL IS THAT LITTLE BASTARD THAT FINGERED ME!"

She wasn't paying attention to where she was going or the passangers' frightened frantic screams as she plowed right into the local power plant. Jack was especially frightened.

"OMI! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, BUT I'M GONNA HOLD YA AND I'M GONNA HOLD YA TIGHT!" He grabs hold of little Omi, pressing him tightly againsts his body, gritting his teeth.

Omi gasps for breath and tries to push Jack away. "Normally, I would remind you of the 'Three Second Rule'..." He looks ahead and yelps, grabbing back onto Jack. "BUT I AM WILLING TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION THIS TIME!" They both start screaming their heads off.

Wuya ran over everything, causing sparks to follow behind her as the bus trailed the wires that were snagged as she left the plant's facility. Then, the entire plant **_EXPLODED!_** The Monks, Chase, and Jack look out the back window, their faces glowing from the explosion, their mouths hanging open in disbelief and fear. They were in **DEEP **doo-doo this time.

Wuya's bus slowed to a stop; out of gas. Thankfully, right in front of the school. And parked in the front parking lot... **WAS THE BLUE MUSTANG! **Wuya opened the sliding doors and stormed out bus angrily towards the blue Mustang. The man that flipped her off walked out of his car, straightened his shirt out, and locked his car. Wuya grabbed the back of his neck and pinned him to his car in complete anger, and turned him over. She gasped when she saw his face.

The passangers stumbled out of the wrecked, debris-covered, no longer yellow bus. Jack instantly ran to a nearby trash can and started throwing up fiercely. The Xiaolin Monks ran over to rub his back to help ease Spicer. Chase Young shook the dizzy-ness away and walked over to the still stunned Wuya, holding out his clipboard.

"Wuya, you _so _failed your first day of being a bus driver and what's more is..." He gasps at the man that Wuya was holding down.

Once Jack was done vomitting and screaming, "THAT'S IT! I AM **_NEVER EVER_** RIDING A BUS EVER AGAIN!", he and the Warriors all looked up towards Wuya and gasped.

"Principal Shu Fung!"

Principal Fung brushed Wuya off of him and glared at her. "Never have I had the displeasure of witnessing such hideous driving! Running a red light and nearly killing me in a car accident. The very nerve of it!"

Chase decided to step in. "She did much worse than that! She practically destroyed the entire city while she was at it!" He indicates the town in the background, people continuing to scream and run around in a panic, buildings on fire, a nuclear explosion coming from the electric plant, the volcano erupting, the Hubble Telescope falling out of the sky along with the President of the United States's private jet... You know. The works of instant chaos.

Wuya was still standing there in shock. She didn't even struggle when a bunch of police peoples started arresting her and pulled her to one of their armored trucks. They threw the Heylin witch into the truck and locked the doors shut.

Wuya stood up and shouted as the armored truck started driving away, "HAVE A GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL!"

--

It's fun to imagine all this...


	4. Xiaolin Hotties For Sale?

Disclaimer: Not owning anything. Duh!

--

Xiaolin Showdown Hotties For Sale?

_**Have you ever wanted your own Xiaolin Showdown hotty? Well, now you can!**_

_**Presenting...**_

_**XIAOLIN BISHOUNENS!**_

Jack, Chase Young, and Raimundo appear out of nowhere and look around in confusion.

"How the heck'd we get here?"

Rai and Chase shrug at Jack's question.

_**That's right! You can get your very own Jack Spicer, Raimundo Pedrosa, or Chase Young and they'll do anything you want them to do!**_

"What'd the announcer girl say?" Raimundo asked.

"I don't know." Jack replies.

"Will you two please be silent?" Chase shot at them, annoyed. "I'm trying to listen."

_**These three hotties can do anything! They sing...**_

All of a sudden, Chase takes out a spork, puts on an evil grin and starts singing "The Spork Song"...

_Ohhh..._

_Spork! Spork!_

_I love my spork!_

_It's not a spoon and it's not a fork!_

_It's a spork it's a spork it's a spork it's a spork it's a spork it's a spork it's a spork!_

_SPORKY!_

Rai and Jack stare at the evil man who is now cuddling the spork.

"What? Sporks are evil! It's okay to like them! SHUT UP!"

Jack suddenly swings his arms around Chase's waist, who accidentally poked himself with his spork and started crying. He stops when he sees Jack beaming up at him and raises a confused eyebrow as the Evil Boy Genius started singing "Fly Me to the Moon".

_Fly me to the moon_

_And let me play among the stars_

_Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars_

_In other words, hold my hand!_

_In other words, darling, kiss me!_

_-pause-_

_Fill my heart with song_

_And let me sing forevermore_

_You are all I long for_

_All I worship and adore_

_In other words, please be true!_

_In other words, I love you!_

Jack snaps out of it and looks at his position and blushes, staring up at Chase, who's expression was set to bewildered. Raimundo was backing away slowly. Jack unwraps his arms from Chase, who continues to stare at him with that weird look.

Then, Rai was starting to feel weird, then he broke out into a sexy dance.

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard_

_And they're like, it's better than yours_

_Damn right it's better than yours_

_I could teach you but I have to charge_

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard_

_And they're like, it's better than yours_

_Damn right it's better than yours_

_I could teach you but I have to charge_

Jack and Chase burst out laughing once Raimundo had regained control over his body and started blushing fiercely. "Shut up!"

_**Basically, they'll do anything you tell them to do. JACK! KISS CHASE YOUNG!**_

Jack, who was feeling the same tingly feeling that caused him to sing, started slowly walking closer to Chase, a coy look in his eyes. Chase's eyes widened and he started running away in fear.

"AAH! STAY AWAY FROM ME, SPICER!"

"I must kiss you..." Jack said in a trance-like manner, continuing to chase Chase around the room.

Raimundo was just cracking up watching the evil overlord scream as Jack had managed to tackle him on the ground. Chase was lying on his back, staring through wide eyes up at Spicer, who was sitting on top of him, his gloved hands on Chase's armored chest, staring down intently at his captive. When Jack started lowering his face closer to Chase's, Chase REALLY squirming.

"SPICER! SNAP OUT OF IT! AAH! DON'T YOU DARE GET CLOSER! AIYA! MMMMPH!"

Sometime during the kiss, Rai had passed out from laughing too hard, and Jack had finally snapped out of it. He took in his and Chase's position and pulled away immediately, blushing hotly.

"...Chase?" Jack asked a the sight of Chase gasping for breath, a hint of fear in his voice.

When Chase had realized that Jack was no longer under the annoucer person's spell, he pushed Jack off of him and stood up, frantically wiping his mouth. When that wasn't satisfying enough, he took some Listerine out of his pocket (A/N: the STRONG kind that hurts when you use it) and poured a large amount of the liquid pain into his mouth, swishing it, making disqusted sounds.

"What... The... (wolf howl!)... Were... You... Thinking!"

"I don't know. It was as if someone was controlling me."

**_Wow... Brilliant deduction... RAIMUNDO! WAKE UP NOW AND DO THE STUPID DANCE THAT IS... THE CHICKEN DANCE!_** (Is it called "The Chicken Dance" or "The Funky Chicken"?)

Raimundo, who was still out cold, immediately snapped his eyes open and stood up. He started doing the Chicken Dance, shaking his butt and all. Jack stared at him and even Chase had paused in his swishing to watch the strange performance.

Once Rai finished, he heard outrageous laughter coming from the two evils.

"(WOLF'S HOWL!)! YOU MADE LISTERINE SHOOT OUT OF MY NOSE! OWWW!"

Jack started laughing harder and fell on the floor.

"Shut up!"

When they calmed, Raimundo looked around at Chase, who spit out the liquid and started pouring more into his mouth, and Jack, who was back to blushing and started fiddling with his fingers.

Rai smirked at Chase. "Did he put his tounge inside?"

Chase glares at the Brazillian and spits the Listerine out. "YES!"

"Hey! It's not my fault! I'm sorry!" Jack folds his arms and looks away. "Besides, I wasn't _that_ bad..."

_**CHASE! DO A SMEXY DANCE!**_

Chase froze stiff as a board. Then, he relaxed and started dancing, shaking his booty and waving his arms in the air (basically whatever you imagine is sexy). Raimundo and Jack stared at the evil Tai Chi master. Jack's nose started bleeding and he struggled to cover the fact that he was getting turned on by this unusual and rare display. When Chase was finished, half his armor was off and was bare-chested. He crossed his arms over his chest and started blushing, a very rare sight. Jack also calmed himself. Rai, however burst out laughing again.

"THAT WAS (THUNDER!) RICH, MAN!" Raimundo said through his laughter.

Jack was just staring at Chase's upper body in complete admiration. Chase saw this and started putting his stuff on. "What are you looking at!"

Jack shrugged.

_**Ohh yeah... That's the good stuff...**_

"I am started to believe that the person who has us captive is only a perverted crazed fangirl that has nothing better to do except watch us suffer at her complete mercy..." Chase said once he was fully dressed again.

"Man," Jack grumbled. "I figured that out _minutes _ago. I think that smexy dance got to your head." He blushed again, not believing he just said 'smexy'.

Raimundo wiped a tear away. "Ohh... Richness..."

_**Exactly! I already have made millions of clones of you with Jackie's little cloner that I forced him to invent! I'M GONNA BE (WOOF WOOF!) RICH! AND I'LL HAVE THE WAY BETTER ORIGINALS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

The guys just stood there.

"I know that censor..." Raimundo thought out loud.

Chase scratched his chin. "Very familiar..."

Jack stood up and stared up at the celing, pointing his finger up in the air. "HYBRID! LET US GO NOW! AT LEAST LET RAIMUNDO GO! YOU'RE A SPICER AND YOUNG FANGIRL!"

_**I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO! I ALSO LIKE JACKUNDO, YOU KNOW!**_

Jack grimaced. "Eeeew..."

"She doesn't like me...?" Rai choked.

"She likes you, but she's not in love with you." Jack reassured. "Lucky..."

"Yes you are. Hybrid stalks us constantly." Chase says through gritted teeth.

"But I **LIKE** crazed fangirls! You know that!" Rai had tears in his eyes. "Hybrid's not my fangirl..."

--

I know. This chapter was kinda strange... And my Chack fangirl-ness showed again... (sigh) I sometimes wish she would go away.

Chack Fangirl Inside: Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!


	5. Chase Gone Wild!

(counts money made from the clones she sold, giggles evilly)

Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. Surprise surprise. I also don't own the song in here (you'll see) for it belongs to my friend who made it up and the original song belongs to the rapper person of whom I don't know the name of. Also, this will be by far the longest chapter in this particular fic.

--

Chase Gone Wild!

"Cooking is so fun... Cooking is so fun... Now it's time to take a break and see what we have done..."

(A/N: I don't even own that! It's from Azumanga Daioh!)

Singing could be heard from the kitchen of the Spicer estate. In there, a red-haired figure is singing to himself while he is baking cookies. He was wearing his a ripped red tank-top and black baggy jeans with an apron that said "Cooking is so fun! giggle giggle!" on the front. Also, his hair was in a black bandana tied on his head instead of his usual goggles. He was making his favorite cookies that only he, Jack Spicer, could get right. He was currently stirring the cookie dough and was adding sugar.

"Cooking is so fun... Cooking is so fun... Now it's time to take a break and see what we have done!"

He stopped, stuck his finger into the dough, and put a glob in his mouth.

"Needs more sugar."

He pours another cup of sugar into the mixture, stirs it, tastes it.

"Still needs more sugar."

Jack picks up the half-full sugar bag, shrugs, and pours the remainder of the bag into the mixing bowl. He somehow manages to stir it in and tastes it.

"MORE SUGAR!"

A couple robots enter the room with full sugar bags in their claw-like hands and place them onto the cupboard where Jack was waiting. They watch him pour a whole bag of the sugar into the bowl, take the mixer, and mixed it in with the already very surgary cookie dough. He dipped his finger into the mixture and tasted it.

"PERFECT!"

Jack scoops out the cookie dough and plops the dough onto a large cookie sheet with an ice cream scooper. He then puts the sheet into the hot oven and shuts the door.

"And now I wait..."

It takes about 20 minutes for "Jack Spicer's Super Evil Cookie Thingys" to bake, so he decided to go get cleaned up in his favorite bathroom: His parents' bathroom. He untied the apron from his waist and threw it to one of his robots, which then disappeared somewhere with the other one. Jack made his way up the stairs to his parents' room, just missing the person who had just teleported himself inside the kitchen.

--

Chase looked around, searching for Spicer. He heard water running upstairs and was just about to go up there when he smelled something; something very sweet with a hint of peanut butter baking in the oven. He leaned down to peek inside and saw cookies.

"So, Spicer's making cookies, huh?" the evil warrior thought outloud. He grins evilly to himself. "Oh, this should be good."

19 minutes later, Jack came back down with only a towel around his waist and was drying his hair with another. Chase silently teleported himself behind Jack so he was walking quietly behind him in Jack's footsteps. He watched Jack bend down to check the cookies, smirking at the vulnerability the red-headed boy unintentionally displayed.

Jack nodds and smiles to himself. Removing his hand from his waist towel, which caused it to fall down and unknowingly revealed his butt to his idol (whose eyes were very wide now), he turns the oven off, opens the door, puts on oven mitts, and pulls the cookie tray out, placing it on the stove. He turns around and bends down again to pull the towel back up, but paused at the sight of sandled feet and armored shins. He rolled his eyes up as far as he could to see the face of Chase Young grinning down at him slyly. Jack squeaked and hastily tried to cover himself up.

Chase laughed at him. "That's a good look for you."

Jack glared at him. "Shut up! What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to discuss something with you, but due to your little... performance... I forgot what I wanted to say."

"Fine. Then you can leave now." Jack went back to his cookies, using a metal spatula to slide under the cookies and place them onto a cookie rack.

Chase shakes his head. "No. I am very interested to know what you are doing."

Jack turns his head to scowl at Chase. "What's it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're doing something pretty feminine. Baking cookies? I suppose you wear a training bra now?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you're a big girl now. So, you wear big girl bras now?" Chase continued to tease, grinning even wider.

Jack went red in the face and turned all the way around. "SHUT UP! SO I LIKE BAKING COOKIES! BIG DEAL!"

Chase snickers. "So, what kind of cookies are they?"

Jack takes a cookie. "My kind."

"Seriously, though. What kind?"

Jack takes a bite. You could actually see the hairs on the back of his neck rise as he shivered from a brief sugar rush. He sighs and looks at Chase. "The good kind. I'm not really sure what flavor to call it. I just use the regular recipe for peanut butter cookies and add a ton of sugar to it. What? You want one?"

Chase shakes his head. "I don't eat cookies."

"That's good. I wasn't gonna let you have one anyway." Just to tease him, Jack waved a cookie in Chase's face, reptilian eyes following the sugary goodness hungrily.

Chase snatched a cookie from the rack. "Well, that's too bad. I'm going to have one since you don't want me to have one!"

Chase then threw the whole cookie into his mouth, chewing, then swallowing. Then, he froze and his eyes widened.

Jack rose a concerned eyebrow. He had never seen Chase Young act this way before. "You okay...?"

Chase licked his lips and grabbed another cookie.

Then another.

And another.

And another until all of Jack's cookies were gone. Even the crumbs were eaten.

"MY COOKIES! NOOOOO!" Jack cried, scanning for any cookies that the evil overlord had missed. He then turned to glare at him. "Are you happy now-WHOA!"

Chase had a crazed goofy grin spread over his face, his eye pupil slits were tinier than usual, his eyes darting every which way. He was twitching and breathing heavily.

Jack backed away, disturbed at the sight. "Are you alright?"

Chase muttered something under his breath.

"What?"

"SUGAAAAAAR! YEAH YEAH YEAH!" Chase screamed at the top of his lungs, then he started laughing like a maniac. He then ran through the wall outside and zoomed over a hill.

Jack just stood there dumbstruck. Then he regained 'conciousness' and ran down into his basement to get dressed into his usual trenchcoat attire. He bolted outside and activated his heli-bot, flying high into the sky to find the sugar hyped Chase Young before he hurt anyone.

--

At the Xiaolin Temple, the Wudai Warriors were eating lunch. For a good day in training, they were awarded with many candy items. Omi was eating a gigantic lollipop the size of his head, Raimundo was taking his time with a king-sized milk chocolate Hershey bar with almonds, Kimiko was chewing gum, occasionally popping it in her mouth, and Clay was eating a super long Nerds Rope.

"HELP!"

The four of them looked up to see Jack Spicer landing into the courtyard and start running over to them. They assumed a fighting stance, their candy pretty much ruining their attempt to look intimidating.

"Jack Spicer, if you are here for our Shen Gong Wu, prepare for a lesson in humility!" Omi shouted, pointing his gigantic lollipop at Spicer threateningly.

"That's nice, but I need your help with something!" Jack said hurriedly, pushing the sucker away, looking very urgent.

"What's up?" Raimundo asked suspiciously, his face smeared with chocolate.

Jack grimaced at him. "Don't touch me. I just took a shower. Anyways, it's Chase Young. He's... Well... Not himself to say the least."

Kimiko blew a gigantic bubble. "What do you mean?"

"I AM THE RULER OF NARNIA!" came a loud voice. Then, Chase Young's body fell with a loud plop onto the ground next to the Warriors and Jack, who screamed and jumped into Clay's arms. Chase seemed to be unconcious.

Jack pointed at him. "THAT'S what I mean!"

(A/N: Narnia idea inspired by wannabe authoress, I asked permission, didn't I?)

They saw Chase's pointed ears twitch for a second, then he bolted back up into standing position, causing everyone else to yelp in surprise. Chase looks around frantically.

Jack jumped out of Clay's arms and ran over to Chase cautiously. "What's wro--"

Chase put a finger to Jack's lips and whispered, "Shh! I hear sugar..."

Everyone stared awkwardly at the evil man. Then, Chase saw Omi's lollipop and his eyes widened, his mouth watering.

"S... Su... Sugar... Sugar... SUUUUUUUGAAAAAAR! AAAAAAAH!" Chase then started running at high speed toward Omi, grabbing his lollipop.

Omi emitted a gong sound and yanked his lollipop out of the grip of the sugar-crazed villain. "_**MY** _lollipop! Go get your own!"

Chase glares at him and also grabs the stick that held the lollipop. Then, the lollipop started glowing!

Omi gawked at it. "Chase Young! I challenge you to a Xiaolin--"

"AAARGH!"

However, Chase somehow managed to put his mouth over the whole candy part, bit down, stick and all, and started chewing it, his head glowing gold.

"Mmmmmm... Suuuuugaaaaar..."

Omi stares at the small stick he now held, broken in half from Chase's bite. "...Showdown?" His bottom lip quivered, then he started crying, occasionally a cursing gong sound coming out.

Chase spit out the piece of stick that he had bitten off, the golden glow fading from his head, and eyed the other warriors. He saw Rai's chocolate bar and started panting like a dog.

"CHOCOLATE!" He then teleported himself next to Raimundo, who was seriously freaked out. He just wanted Chase away from him, especially when he was in this state.

So, Rai held out the chocolate in Chase's face moving it from side to side, Chase's eyes following. "You want the chocolate? Huh? This what you want?"

Chase starts nodding vigorously, his tounge hanging out, flopping around. "YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!"

"GO GET THE CHOCOLATE!" Raimundo threw it as far away from him as he could, watching in disqust as Chase bounded after it and caught in his mouth like a dog would.

Chase licked the extra chocolate from around his mouth. "Chocolate good for Chase!" Then he fell over, falling 'unconcious' once more.

When he didn't get back up after about five minutes, the Wudai Warriors and Jack Spicer crowded around him.

Kimiko looked at everyone else worriedly. "Is he dead?"

"We have a sayin' in Texas," Clay starts saying. "'In order to check what's dead, you gotta check it with a dead item.'"

Everyone stares at him. Jack droops forward. "Say wha...?"

Clay sighs. "Just poke him with a stick or somethin'."

(A/N: Don't know any sayings. (sweat-drop))

Kimiko walks over to a tree, picks up a long stick, walks back to Chase, and pokes him with it lightly. He doesn't move. She looks at everyone else, who just stare back at her. So, she poked Chase harder. He still didn't move. However, when she was going in for another poke, Chase sprung to life and clamped his mouth over the end of the stick!

Everyone starts screaming and back away as Chase Young began ripping apart the stick. Kimiko was still hanging onto it, terrified and still screaming bloody murder, until Rai pulled her away, forcing her to let go of the stick. Chase looked sadly at the stick pieces. "No sugar..." He then started crying like a baby. "IT'S NOT FAIR! ME WANT SUGAR NOW! WAAAAAH!"

The adolescents watch the very awkward display. Then, Kimiko blew a bubble and Chase suddenly stopped crying, staring at her hungrily. Kim blew another bubble, Chase's eyes growing as the bubble grew larger. Then, it popped and so did Chase Young, for he suddenly snapped and ran for the rest of the candy.

Everyone ran after him, curious that he only took a bunch of Pop Rocks and then bolted into the kitchen that was just in the next room. They followed him inside to see him digging around in the Temple refridgerator, throwing everything that he didn't want onto the floor carelessly. When he figured that he wasn't going to find what he was looking for here, he gave out a loud cry as he bolted for the room where the young Dragons in Training hung out.

Raimundo's eyes widened. "Oh no... I know what he's looking for..." He ran after Chase, struggling to keep up with the sugar-crazed older man, everyone else right on his heels. Chase was stalking the small fridge that held the kids' snacks. He then went down on his knees in front of it, yanked the door open and cried out in triumph as he found what he was looking for. He rose back up and turned toward the Warriors and Jack, smiling maliciously.

Chase then rose his hands to show what he was holding. In one hand were the Pop Rocks, and in the other hand was...

"NO! NOT MY SODA! _IT'S **MY **SODA!_" Raimundo cried.

Chase then started laughing crazily and threw the Pop Rocks into his mouth, bag and all, then opened a can of soda and drained the can into his mouth. He then froze, his eyes wide. Suddenly, a loud crackling could be heard even from where the Xiaolin Monks and Jack stood and Chase's hair raised. Then Chase started spinning where he was standing, shouting gibberish that didn't make the least bit of sense. Then, once again, he collapsed, twitching every now and then.

This time, everyone kept their distance. It seemed that Chase was a lot more unpredictable when he was sugar high than when he was 'normal'.

"Ya know?" Clay finally spoke up after 10 minutes of watching Chase. "I think he's finally put himself into a sugar coma."

Of course, as soon as the cowboy mentioned the word "sugar", Chase sprung alive and screamed as loud as he could when he teleported out of the room, leaving a stunned Jack Spicer, Kimiko, Omi, Clay, and Raimundo.

"This calls for a 'Save the World' meeting!" Raimundo announces.

Everyone gathers in the Grand Hall, Kim, Clay, Jack, and Omi sitting on the floor while they watched Rai pace in front of them.

"We have a real problem on our hands." Rai says. "We're gonna have to be ready to face Chase and stop him at all costs before he robs the entire world of its candy and sugar-filled food stuff."

"Right!" Clay, Jack, Omi, and Kim shout in unison.

"Now, Jack, what exactly caused him to reach this sugar high state?" Raimundo asks Jack.

"Well," Jack begins. "I was baking cookies - DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH! - and Chase ate 'em all. And it just so happened that they were **_extremely_** sugary."

Clay scoffs. "Well, it figures that this is all yer fault, Spicer."

"Hey! I tried to stop him--"

**You have a News Alert. You have a News Alert.**

It was Kimiko's PDA. She takes it out of her pocket (or wherever she keeps it) and presses a button with her stick-pointer thing. Everyone gathers around her as they watch the clip of the Live Action News...

**News Anchorwoman**: Hello, New York City. I'm Rachel Ray...

**News Anchorman**: And I'm Shawn Hughes...

**Rachel**: And this is your local 15 News. It appears that taxes have risen once again and a dog has died by being run over by a speeding train in the subways. I feel sorry for the owner, don't you, Shawn?

**Shawn**: I think I feel more sorry for the dog, Rachel.

**Rachel**: Quite right, Shawn. (laughs) And now Michael Warner with our weather. How's it look, Mike?

**Michael**: Well, right now, it looks pretty clear. However, as we look at around 6:00 p.m., we might get a shower--

**Chase Young**: (appears out of nowhere) OF CHICKENS!

The Xiaolin Warriors and Jack gasped as they watched Sugar High Chase push the weatherman out of the way and started dancing like in a rap video.

**Chase Young**:

_From the windoooooooooow to the kitchen!_

_Put hot sauce on my chicken!_

_Ooh! Your breath is kickin'!_

Then, a purple portal appears on the weather screen and Michael the Weatherman screams as he watches five kids jump out of it.

"Chase Young!" Omi shouted, pointing a demanding finger at the hyped man, wearing the Golden Tiger Claws on the other hand. "I insist that you come back with us at once!"

Chase stares at them with a crazed look in his eye. "NEVER!" he screams as he runs out of the News Station, knocking over equipment and people in his way, closely followed by Jack and Clay, who both jumped over the fallen stuff. The other monks thenran after them, struggling to keep up with the goth, the warrior, and the cowboy while apologizing to the frightened News People.

Outside, Jack and Clay were hot on Chase's tail, Jack flying with his heli-bot, Clay on a flying rock. It was pretty difficult keeping a close eye on Chase as he sped through the streets of NYC. After a while of flying over 'the hood' part of town, they finally lost sight of Young. So, Clay let go of his Earth element and Jack deactivated his heli-bot and they began walking the streets.

"Man, the fella runs faster than a turkey on Thanksgivin' day."

"You know, Clay? I am really not in the mood for your sayings today, alright?" Jack griped. "Geez. All I wanted was some of my cookies..."

After a while of walking, they ran into Jermaine, who was shooting some hoops in a trashy-looking basketball court.

"Yo, Clay!" the African-American boy called out.

"Howdy, Jermaine, partner!"

Jermaine takes a long hard look at Spicer. "Aren't you that goth boy Omi and them are always fightin' against?"

Jack rolls his eyes. "Maybe."

Jermaine shrugs and returns his attention to Clay. "So, what up?"

Clay and Jack tells him of the whole Chase-sugar issue.

"And now he's runnin' 'round here?"

"Well, he could be anywhere by now." Jack groans.

"That wouldn't be him over there now, would it?"

Jack and Clay look in the direction Jermaine was pointing in time to see Chase Young zooming out of an alley, being hounded by Wudai Omi, Wudai Kimiko, and Wudai Raimundo, who were doing all they could just to slow him down.

"NOT SO FAST, PARTNER!" Clay then takes out his lasso and throws it over Chase as he went by, it tightening around his waist securely. "GOTCHA!"

He tries to pull him in, but Chase starts pulling against it, desperate to get to a little girl's chocolate donut with sprinkles. When Clay's boots started sliding against the pavement when he was even in his Wudai form and started leaning his weight away from Chase against the rope, gritting his teeth, Jack and Jermaine grabbed onto the rope and started pulling with all their might. Still, that wasn't working.

"HEEEEELP!" Jack cried as the rope started slide against his fingers as Chase started pulling harder.

Kimiko, Raimundo, and Omi got down there, grabbed the rope, and also started pulling for all they were worth, but Chase had already eaten the donut, leaving the poor little girl crying, and he started running again, the monks, Jack, and Jermaine still hanging onto the rope as they were pulled through the air and dragged through the streets of New York City.

They slammed against buildings, rammed into cars and busses, sending innocent bystanders into a panic. They were all screaming the whole time, one by one losing their grip. Jack was the last one who was hanging on, for Omi lost his grip somewhere in Central Park. He continued screaming as Chase continued to zoom around the City That Never Sleeps (right?), refusing to let go.

--

Omi had remained sitting in the grass where he was thrown off until Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and Jermaine finally caught up with him.

Omi sighs sadly. "I lost him."

Kimiko kneels down to Omi's level and pats his head. "It's okay, Omi. You did your best."

"Even Jack Spicer had a better grip than I did..." Omi bows his head in shame.

Rai's eyes widened. "You mean that Jack's still got him?"

Clay takes a deep breath, taking in the scent of the park, looking around. He saw a few bushes uprooted, some trees were bent out of shape from Chase ramming into them, and a few park benches were split in two from the evil warrior running _through_ them. "But we still need to find Chase before he causes any more damage."

**You have a News Alert. You have a News Alert.**

PDA time again. They all gather around Kimiko and see News Reporter Rachel Ray standing in front of a certain tall building.

**Rachel: **Here I am Live in front of the Empire State Building reporting that a strange man in armor and a teenaged boyare at the very top of it!

Camera switches to helicopter and the Warriors and Jermaine see Chase Young perfectly balanced on the tip of the antenna (you know, the thing that sticks up from the top of the building with the blinking red light?). Jack was in his arms bridal style, Jack's arms wrapped tightly around Chase's neck, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't be dropped, and it appeared that he was crying/screaming. His long black hair and the rope that was still tied around Chase's waist were blowing elegantly in the wind.

The Warriors and Jermaine looked at each other and nodded. In a matter of seconds, the Warriors were in their Wudai forms and, Jermaine on Clay's flying rock, flew using their elements to the top of the Empire State Building. Jack unburies his face from Chase's shoulder and looks pleadingly at the Wudai Warriors.

"Stop him! He's gonna jump! Please stop him! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I WANNA GO HOME!" Jack cried urgently, tears streaming from his eyes as he buried his face into Chase's shoulder again.

Without warning, Chase then jumped off of the building, everyone above and below on the ground gasped and screamed in surprise and fear.

**Chase: **(screaming like Tarzan)

**Jack:** (just plain screaming girly-like) AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Raimundo zoomed down past Chase's falling body, who had let go of Jack, and caught Spicer in his arms, holding him protectively, allowing him to drench him with his tears of fear, and tried to slow down Chase's fall with his feet and his element. It worked a little, but Chase was still falling at a great speed.

"SOMEONE! GRAB THE ROPE!" Rai shouts over Jack's wails.

Clay, Omi, and Jermaine grabbed the rope and began pulling with all their might, Kimiko eventually wrapping her arms around Omi's waist, pulling also. They had managed to stop Chase's fall, and they were still a good distance above the ground. They all sighed in relief. Then, Chase started swinging the rope, screaming "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!".

"I've had just about enough of this!" Omi shouts as he takes out the... "SPHERE OF YUN!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAT!" Everyone gasped as they saw Chase become trapped in the Sphere prison, trying to punch and kick his way out.

"RUBY OF RAMSES!" Omi also took out the Ruby and used it to lower Chase down to the ground.

"Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Us. You. Had. The. Shen Gong Wu. With. You?" Raimundo grounded out, still holding the tear-stained Jack Spicer, who was gawking angrily at the bald yellow-headed monk.

Everyone else had similar expressions on their faces, well, everyone except Chase, who was still trying to excape from his prison.

Omi shrugged. "I didn't think we would need them. Let us just return to the Temple." Omi takes out the Golden Tiger Claws and Ruby of Ramses, smiling at Jermaine. "It was nice seeing you again, my friend. RUBY OF RAMSES! GOLDEN TIGER CLAWS!" He slashes the air and he, the other Warriors, Spicer, and caged-Chase were taken into the purple portal, narrowly escaping the news people.

--

Chase awoke in his bed a few days later, surprised that he was still in his armor. His head was throbbing and he apparently had no memory of what had happened after his visit with Jack. However, there was a piece of paper on his bedside table. It had a picture drawn on it.

A drawing of him, plus sign, candy items, equal sign, "NO NO".

Chase Young + Sugar EQUALS... A BIG NO-NO!

--

Moral of this mini story: CHASE YOUNG AND SUGAR DON'T MIX!


	6. Channel Surfing!

Hey! Been a while... I've been working a lots of stories and other stuff lately and will be posted soon.

Also, just letting you know, some of this is in script form so you can understand it a little better. Don't report me because of it. I tried to put as little script as I could. There is also a little RaiKim bashing in this chapter and I'm sorry if offends some people.

Disclaimer: If I owned Xiaolin Showdown, Chase would be obsessed with sporks instead of Omi.

--

**Channel Surfing!**

The girl that goes by the name of Hybrid is completely bored out of her mind while she is waiting for her new Xiaolin Showdown TV set to arrive. She decides to play her new game (well,old game now, I began this months ago) "Dragon Quest VIII". As soon as she saves and turns it off, she hears a knock on the apartment door and answers it. It's the delivery guy with her Xiaolin Showdown TV!

Hybrid signs the clipboard and takes the TV into her room, hooking it up to her cable box. She plops down onto her bed and turns it on, seeing the Xiaolin Showdown beginning theme sequence show, just "the Pillows" "Ride on Shooting Star" song plays (aka, Fooly Cooly ending theme).

"I'm liking this already!"

--

FLIP!

--

TV Announcer Guy: Real cases. Real cartoons. Judge Omi. The plaintiff, Heylin Witch Wuya is suing the defendant, her boyfriend, Chase Young, for cheating on her with a 15 year old boy.

Clay, who is dressed as a police officer, says, "All rise."

Omi, who is dressed as judge, wig and all, walks in, and sits at his high desk. "You all may be seated."

Everyone sits down.

"Now, tell me why you have interupted my meditation session and it had better be good."

"Well," Wuya starts, pointing at Chase. "I'm suing his sorry (baby wail!) for cheating on me!" She glares at the black-haired man. "You hear that, you (baby crying) (nuclear explosion)?!"

"Loud and clear."

Judge Omi pounds a giant mallet which I think is called a gavel, but it's bigger, upon his desk many times. "WHAT HORSES EAT TIMES THREE! (hey hey hey!) ORDER! ORDER! I WILL NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IN MY COURT, THAT I WILL NOT!" The small, yellow-headed wigged boy calms down and puts the giant mallet at the side of his desk. He looks calmly at Chase Young. "Is what she says true?"

"Yes, and I don't regret it."

Judge Omi nodds and looks at some papers in front of him. "Hmm. I see. And, it says here that you slept with a 15 year old boy and Miss Wuya caught you, yes?"

"Yes. That is true."

"YOU BET IT'S TRUE! AND IT'S SICKENING!" Wuya shouts angrily.

The young judge chooses to ignore her. "Why? Why did you sleep with him?"

"Because I wanted to and he did, too. I was just merely granting his wish. Besides, it didn't mean anything."

At that, Jack Spicer rises, in tears, pointing an accusing finger at Chase.

"YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!"

He runs out of the room, bawling, screaming about being used. Everyone murmers loudly.

Chase spins around and calls after the redhead, "Wait! Jack! I didn't mean that!"

Judge Omi was banging the mallet again, trying to get everyone to be silent again. "ORDER! ORDER! WHY WAS THE CHICKEN CENSOR NOT THERE?!"

--

FLIP!

--

**Singing person:** Bad boys! Bad boys! Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do WHEN THEY COME FOR YOOOU?

We see Officer Fung driving a police car with Officer Kimiko in the passenger seat. They are in the middle of a fierce car chase.

Fung picks up the walky talky thing and says into it, "Reporting. We are in pursuit of a speeding vehicle on Airport Highway. Over."

Kimiko sticks her head out of her window and yells through a megaphone, "STOP THE CAR! IN THE NAME OF THE LAW AND THE SPEED LIMIT, I ORDER YOU TO STOP YOUR VEHICLE!

Chase's head sticks out of the driver's side, his hair whipping around him. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE, COPPERS!"

On the other side, Wuya starts shooting a machine gun at the cop cars, causing them to swerve slightly.

Officer Raimundo: (through radio) Clay and I'll take care of this.

With that, a fellow cop car zooms over and rear-ends the corner of the Chase's car, making it spin out of control and ram into the rock wall. It stops, soon surrounded by cop cars. Officers Fung, Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, Jack, and Jermaine get out of the cars, pointing guns at Chase and Wuya's car.

"GET OUT OF THE CAR!" Officer Raimundo shouts, stepping closer to the steaming vehicle.

Officer Jermaine points a gun at the passenger window of the car. "WE ORDER YOU TO GET OUT OF THAT CAR!"

Officers Jack and Clay get on either side of the car and drag Chase (by Jack) and Wuya, slamming them against the car.

Clay shouts to Wuya, "HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!"

They handcuff them.

"Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything and everything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law." Officer Jack states, cuffing Chase.

"We would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling--"

"I SAID REMAIN SILENT!" Jack yanks Chase to a nearby cop car. "He's all yours, Fung."

--

FLIP!

--

Raimundo is holding Kimiko on Sunset Hill.

"I love you, Kimiko."

Hybrid glares at the TV. "Well, there's no way I'm watchin' this."

--

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

--

Kill Barney 2

**Kids and Barney:** I love you. You love me--

**Jack:** (interupts transmission) THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK!

**Chase:** Actually, Barney is the most evil force on the planet other than myself. I cannot allow that.

**Wuya:** He is the source of all darkness, corrupting the minds of kindergarteners and pre-schoolers all over the globe!

**Jack:** In hopes of attaining EVIL WORLD DOMINATION!

**Omi:** But we are not going to let that happen!

**Kimiko:** He didn't get the message when we attempted to stop him last time.

**Raimundo:** Allow us to show what happened last time:

_**We see a video clip of the Xiaolin Warriors, Chase, Wuya, and Megan on top of the empty Barney suit, tearing it apart ferociously.**_

**Kid in Background:** Mommy! What are they doing to Barney?

**Man who was in Barney Suit:** Man, $1,000 per episode is so not worth this.

**Megan:** So, we are going there again to SHUT... HIM... DOWN...

**Clay:** AGAIN!

**Jack:** TO THE KILL-BARNEY MOBILE!

_**Batman theme song plays, but instead of saying "Batman!", they say "Kill Barney!" really fast.**_

--

FLIP!

--

Hybrid hears "Phsyco" shower stabbing music.

"NO! I NO LIKE SLASHER HORROR MOVIES, EVEN IF THE BLOOD'S REALLY CHOCOLATE SYRUP!" Hybrid shouts, terrified.

--

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

--

**GHOSTBUSTERS!**

Do you ever have this problem?

We see ghost-Wuya outside of Jack's bedroom door. "JACK! COME OUT OF THERE OR I'M COMING IN!"

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE, FOUL SPIRIT!"

Then, who do you call?

"Huh?" Jack looks at the camera. "How'd you get in here!"

Camera Man: That's for us to know and for you not to know.

Chase, Raimundo, and Kimiko bust through the door where Wuya was just about to float through the door, all in Ghostbusters uniforms.

"Does this uniform make me look fat?" Kimiko asks, straightening her skirt.

Raimundo groans. "For the last time, YOU DON'T LOOK FAT IN IT!"

Chase sucks Wuya into the vaccuum thingy.

"NOOOOOO!" Wuya screams as she disappears into the vaccuum thingy.

Chase turns to Jack and outstretches his hand. "That'll be $20 please."

"Wow, Chase. You work for Ghostbusters now?"

"Shut up. It's just a summer job. What of it? Now give me that $20 or else you join the witch."

**GHOSTBUSTERS!**

--

FLIP!

--

Hybrid jumps up and down on her bed, turning the volume up. "Ooh! The Spanish channel!"

**Mexican Kimiko:** (speaking dramatically in Spanish/Mexican)

**Mexican Fung:** (speaking quietly in Spanish)

**Mexican Rai:** (shouting in Spanish)

**Mexican Jack:** (shouting in Spanish) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Everyone: **(gasp!) JACK SPICER!

**Mexican Omi:** (shouting in Spanish at Jack)

Hybrid puts on a skeptical look. "And I have no clue what they are saying."

--

FLIP!

--

_**For your RaiKim moments, The Kimundo Channel, where it's nonstop RaiKim romance.**_

"AAAAAH! MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TO LIFE!" Hybrid screams.

--

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

--

_**Heylin Apprentice**_

We see Katnappe, Tubbimura, Vlad, Jack Spicer, Wuya, and Le Mime sitting at a long table, with Chase Young at the head of it. They're all in suits.

Chase looks at Le Mime. "Le Mime, you're fired."

Le Mime stands up. "Man, this is some bull sh(BEEEEP!)."

--

FLIP!

--

Kimiko and Raimundo are... doing stuff...

Hybrid covers her eyes. "OH! GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! UGH!"

--

FLIP FLIP FLIP!

--

_**(theme for "Survivor" plays. you know, the oh-ee-oh ee-oh-aa-aa thing.)**_

We see Master Fung pulling out names while Omi, Clay, Kimiko, and Chase (who is wearing the Imunity Challenge prize thing) watch intently on the rocks they are sitting on.

Fung pulls out a piece of paper, shows it to everyone. "Omi."

Camera zoomsin on Omi, tense music plays.

Fung pulls out another paper, shows it to everyone. "Clay."

Camera zooms in on Clay, tense music plays.

"Last paper." Fung pulls out paper. Long dramatic pause, he shows paper to everyone. "...Omi."

Omi walks up to Fung with his torch.

"Omi, the tribe has spoken." Puts out torch fire.

_**OHHHHHHH... DRAMATIC MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC.**_

--

FLIP!

--

"Oh, Raimundo, I have something to tell you! Really good news!"

"Yes, Kimiko?"

Hybrid's ready to change the channel.

"Oh, it's so great!"

"What, Kimiko? Are you pregnant with my child at last?"

Hybrid's eyes widen. "Holy Crap..."

Kimiko shakes her head and starts jumping up and down. "No! It's even better than that!"

Raimundo is very anxious now. "YOU'RE GONNA MARRY ME!"

"I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO! YEAH!"

--

FLIP!

--

**Audience:****JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!**

Jack and Chase sit in the chairs.

Chase says, "Jack, I have a secret to reveal to you."

Jack tilts his head. "What?"

"I'm really... a man."

"YOU (BLEEEEP!)! YOU LIED TO ME!" Jack tries to attack Chase, bell rings, two big guys hold him back, the sound is all one big BEEEEEEEEP and brief pauses of the audience chanting "FIGHT".

--

FLIP!

--

_**A "Vote for President" commercial**_

**Anouncer Person:** Vote Jack Spicer for president.

Jack appears. "Because Chase is a big fat doo-doo head and Kimiko is a little two-timing bi--"

**Anouncer Person:** Vote Jack Spicer for president.

**Jack's Voice:** I approve of this message.

Hybrid nodds. "That's what they might as well say in these campaign things."

--

FLIP!

--

Vlad is cooking. Throws some salt into a food mixture. "BAM!"

--

FLIP!

--

**("The Twilight Zone" opening theme song starts playing. If you have never heard of this show, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?)**

**Rod Serling (creator and narrator of the Twilight Zone series, just found that out! yay for me!): Prepare to enter a demension where things do not make sense. At all. You are about to enter... the Twilight Zone Where There Is No Real Moral At All. There normally is.**

Zoom in of Jack with Omi.

Jack smiles at Omi. "I know who you really are, Omi.

Omi looks hopefully at him. "You know who my parents are, Jack Spicer?"

Jack nodds.

The yellow kid starts jumping up and down. "EVERYONE! JACK SPICER KNOWS WHO I REALLY AM!"

The entire cast of 'Xiaolin Showdown' walk onto the scene, surrounding Jack and Omi. Jack takes out a megaphone and clears his throat. He points at Omi.

"OMI IS AN EVIL CHINESE LEPRECHAUN INTENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD WITH HIS POT OF EVIL GOLD!"

Everyone gasps and turn their gazes to Omi, who is standing there with his mouth hanging open.

"That... That is not true..."

"See? He's denying it! UNDENYABLE PROOF!" Jack shouts, still pointing at Omi.

All of a sudden, two short yellow people wearing red suits and top hats float above the crowd. One is a woman, a very ugly woman. She had beard stubble on her face with messy gray hair and was fat. The other was a man, a very ugly man. He was fatter than the woman and was bald underneath his hat. They both had rows of sharp teeth in their mouths. They were screaming.

The female shouted, "Aw, Tarnation! How'd he find us out, Freddy Crouger?" She had a thick country accent. And they're supposed to be Chinese?

The male bares his teeth at her. "Yeesh, woman-chi! Stop callin' me that-chi!" Why he kept saying 'chi' at the ends of his sentences, don't ask me. He points at Omi (a lot of pointing, eh?). "Come with us, Omi-chi! Together, we shall rule the world with our army of golden peanut butter and jelly sandwiches-chi!"

"Yes, father." Omi says quietly.

Chase shouts, "NOT SO FAST! You can't be Omi's father. THAT IS HIS FATHER!" He points to an orange floating kitty that stood on two legs.

Omi-Dad raises a paw. "Hello."

The ugly, fat, Evil Leprechauns claiming to be Omi's parents scream again and blow up. The camera zooms out into the sky.

Ashley appears. "And the moral of this story is..."

"I LIKE TATOR-TOTS!" Chase yells at the top of his lungs, eating tator-tots.

Raimundo is also eating them. "People have to be crazy not to like tator-tots!"

End...

Hybrid stares at TV. "Oooookay..."

--

FLIP!

--

Kimiko and Raimundo are kissing.

"I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS! Man, I'm playin' my game again!"

Hybrid turns on Kingdom Hearts II and is surprised that the main character is now Jack Spicer in a black hoody, Omi is Donald, and Clay is Goofy.

"AWESOME!"

--

This has got to be the most random thing I have EVER written... As you can see, I'm not a big RaiKim fan, but no offence to those who do like it. I just think the pairing is a little too obvious and it's EVERYWHERE. I have nothing against the pairing or anyone who likes/loves/obsessed with it, but it does get sort of annoying at some point. But, I try to keep the RaiKim bashing at a minimum so people aren't too mad at me. Well, later.


	7. Part 1: At the County Fair

Disclaimer: Man, I hope no one's used this idea already... No, I don't own anything to do with 'Xiaolin Showdown'. I only own the people who aren't in the show, duh! I also own Dumbasso the Clown (you'll see). Oh, and being busy and forgetful **SUCKS**!

**LONG STUPID CHAPTER ALERT!**

--

Part I

A Day at the County Fair

"A fair."

"Yay."

"Oh, what fun."

Kimiko looked over her shoulder and glared at Raimundo, Jack, and Chase. "Will you three stop whining!"

Wuya also scowled at them. "Yeah! It's getting really annoying!"

It all started with boredom. No Shen Gong Wu revealed itself that day. Jack didn't feel like working on any robots today. Chase didn't feel like meditating either. Hannibal Bean was off wreaking havoc and destruction somewhere, but the Xiaolin Warriors didn't feel like going after him. So, they agreed to go to a county fair ('they' meaning 'Kimiko and Wuya' of course).

Omi and Clay were eager to go.

Raimundo and Chase were literally dragged there. At least Jack, who also didn't really want to go, went with them reasonably willingly, deciding he had nothing better to do.

So, here they were on this sunny, cloudless, summer day, at the fair.

(A/N: Yuck. I prefer cloudy, rainy, autumn days. Don't you?)

Clay looked around, then perked up when he saw the thing he was looking for. He went over to where Omi was standing, staring up at a tall roller coaster and tapped his shoulder. "Omi partner! I found the petting zoo!"

Omi raised an eyebrow. "What is this 'petting zoo' that you speak of?"

Clay explains it to him.

"YOU GET TO PET ANIMALS!" Omi screamed then darted with Clay to a fenced off area.

Wuya spotted the Tunnel of Love and grabbed hold of Chase's arm, trying to pull him over to it. "Come on, Chase!"

"He's not going with _you_, Wuya." Apparently Jack had seen the Tunnel and was currently clinging to Chase's other arm. "He's going with _me_!"

Wuya smirks at the goth. "Well, Chase isn't gay!" She yanks on Chase's arm her way.

Jack growls at the Heylin Witch. "Chase would never want to go in there with _you_, though!" He yanks on Chase's arm his way.

It wasn't long before there was a Chase-Tug-of-War between the two redheads.

"Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW."

Wuya and Jack instantly let go of Chase at the harsh sound in his voice that meant 'I will kill you and ENJOY IT'. He was in a bad mood already and he could be VERY scary when he's angry.

Raimundo snickered at that, then his stomach rumbled loudly. "Hey, I'm hungry."

"Wow. We never would've guessed." Kimiko takes out some money from her purse, counting it. "I have $50 dollars. What do you guys have?"

Chase Young, Wuya, and Rai dug into their pockets and other places, taking out their money.

Chase had $2.

Wuya had $10.

Rai had 3 cents.

They all look expectantly at Jack, who just stared back. "What?"

"Whatcha got?" Kim asked.

Jack digs through his pockets, taking out... "...Do bits of string count?"

Chase slapped a hand to his forehead and sighed roughly. "If you knew you were coming here, why didn't you bring money?"

"I'm poor!"

"But I thought you were rich!" Raimundo shouted. "You live in a mansion and all!"

Jack shrugs. "Doesn't mean _I'm_ rich." He stuffs his hands into his trenchcoat pockets and looks away.

"So, we have $62 and 3 cents." The Dragon of Fire says after counting the money in her hands.

Wuya stops her from saying anything else, snatching her money back from the way younger girl. "I'm keeping my $10."

Kimiko sighs. "Fine. Make that $52.03. I guess that'll be enough to get us all something to eat and play a few games."

So, they split up. Kimiko went off to the arcade area, Wuya decided to wander around, and Raimundo left with Chase and Jack to get some expensive food.

--

**WITH OMI AND CLAY...**

In the petting zoo, Omi and Clay were petting many animals. Omi kept pointing at everything screaming "OOH! Look at that! No! Look at _that_!". Clay just smiled and had to keep telling everyone that this was Omi's first time at a county fair. He was just about to tell another person that when he heard his bald-headed friend screaming in fear.

"Omi! What's wrong?"

"S-SQUIRREL!"

--

**WITH WUYA...**

The Heylin Witch was wandering around with no specific destination in mind.

She saw many interesting sights in just the 10 minutes of walking. She saw many rides, one consisting of making a long car-like thing to speed around a giant metal ring that seemed to stand on its side. She found a clown sitting above a tank full of dirty water holding a microphone, insulting people. On the side of the tank was a target and people were throwing baseballs at it. Wuya didn't understand the concept of that game, so she decided to keep walking.

She was about to go look for Chase when the ferris wheel caught her eye. She rushed up to it and stared upwards, tilting her head back as far as her neck would allow. Wuya had never seen such a structure. She heard screaming coming from the top when the giant wheel stopped and started wondering whether or not it was some sort of modern day torture device...

"Hey, old hag!"

That particular comment snapped Wuya out of her thoughts of putting Jack at the top of "The Ferris Wheel of Doom". She narrowed her eyes and looked around angrily for the person who had dared to say it.

"Over here, genius!"

It was the insulting clown over the tank of water. Wuya glowered at him and began storming through the crowd of people that were now staring at her, murmering among themselves.

Wuya stopped in front of the insulting-game and fixed "Dumbasso" with a piercing look. "What did you say to me?"

Dumbasso sneered at her. "You, doofus."

"Ooh!" everyone says.

Wuya screeched and was about to climb up the ramp toward Dumbasso to beat the crap out of him, but man that worked there stopped her.

"Whoa whoa whoa! You gotta pay first, lady." he explained to her.

Wuya didn't say anything and merely scowled at him. She still wasn't accustomed to the way this current period of time worked. Back in her day, if someone insulted a Heylin Witch, their fate was sealed at the first word.

But, knowing that if she did what she wanted to do now would send her to prison (she learned it was NOT a fun place to be after the bus incident), she sighed and climbed down from ramp. "Fine. How much do I have to pay to beat the living daylights out of him?"

"$1 per try."

Wuya smirked. "I believe I will only require one try." She held out a dollar to the man. Then she started rolling her sleeves up, green magic pooling from around her hands. (A/N: She has her powers in this chapter.) She stopped when the man held out a baseball to her. "What's the meaning of this?"

"You're supposed to throw the ball at that target," the man explains, pointing to the target. "If you hit it, you win and the clown will fall into the sewage water."

Wuya's shoulders drooped. "That's all that happens?"

"Yup."

"Boy, _she's_ the one they should call 'Dumbasso'!" the stupid clown shouted.

That did it. Even if he wouldn't die, Wuya was thirsty for revenge. So, she snatched the baseball from the man and cocked her arm back.

"Stand back."

--

**WITH RAIMUNDO, JACK, AND CHASE...**

The three men that didn't want to come here were currently standing in line for food and have been for well over 20 minutes. Some stupid guy was being indecisive about what to order and it appeared that the line wasn't going to move any time soon. To make things worse, Rai and the two villains were about 10th in line.

The Dragon of Wind was getting more and more pissed off by the second. "DECIDE ALREADY, YOU BASTARD!"

Jack looked at him. "So, your censor wore off, too?"

Rai nodds. "Yeah. HURRY UP, DAMMIT!"

Jack starts pouting, folding his arms. "Chase's wears off. Wuya's wears off. Ashley's wears off. But does mine wear off? (BUCKA!) NO!"

Almost instinctively, everyone in and around the line searched for the chicken that might have escaped from the petting zoo.

"Ah! I know!" the guy at the front of the line says, snapping his fingers. "I'll take some chicken fingers." He leaves with his order and they were all one step closer to getting some food...

Only for the next person to have a family of nine bratty, snot-nosed little kids.

Everyone behind them groans and Rai blows up, along with a few others. They were hungry and all the other food stands had lines miles long! This line was the shortest!

Chase was getting impatient with the waiting and getting annoyed as Jack kept saying stuff under his breath and Raimundo kept cursing out the people in front.

"I've had just about enough of this nonsense."

He grabbed Raimundo and Spicer's sleeves and dragged them through the line, forcing people to get out of their way, earning a few "no cutting" comments which were ignored. He stopped at the front of the line, let go of the boys' sleeves, and turned towards the children that were in the original ordering person's group.

Chase knelt down and gave the little kids a rarely seen cheerful smile. It scared Rai and Jack to no end. "Hello there, kiddies. Wanna play?"

Those poor unsuspecting children were bored, so they walked right into Chase Young's trap and all shouted, smiling, "Sure!"

Chase's smile turned into a wicked grin. "Okay." He transformed into his lizard demon form, still grinning, just with a mouthful of razor-sharp teeth. "Play with me."

Everyone (except Raimundo and Jack) screamed and ran in a panic as Lizard-Chase roared. By the time it was over, the area around the food stand was empty, though areas nearby were in a frantic effort to get through the now horrible traffic to lock themselves safely in their homes from an evil lizard thing. Chase laughed and morphed back into his human form.

"Well, that was fun." The evil warrior then turned around and began reading the menu, ignoring the cowering woman inside the cart where the food was made.

Raimundo was celebrating. "Alright! Go Chase!"

Jack was completely in awe. _Oh, I love how Chase Young handles long lines..._, he thought, staring dreamily at his evil hero. You could practically see the hearts in his eyes. _He's so awesome..._

Once they all decided what to get, the area was already as busy as it was before the Lizard-Chase issue (they took advantageof the large amount of parking space). Now, people were cursing at _them_, though they were doing it on purpose to annoy the people, making them suffer through what they had to go through.

The woman in the cart-stand thing was a lot calmer, though she was still afraid of the man in armor. "Are you ready to order now?"

"I'll take a beef and bean burrito with a Mountain Dew." Rai orders.

"I'll have two double hamburgers, an extra large cheese fries, and a large lemon ice." says the Evil Boy Genius.

"...A-and y-y-you, si-sir?" the now shaking woman asked Chase, who was still looking at the menu.

Young then looks at the lady. "What's a hotdog?"

No one answered that. Instead, they started laughing histerically, even the nerdy food-woman.

Jack gawked at him. "You've been alive how long and you have no idea what a hotdog is?"

Raimundo was too busy laughing to say anything.

Chase was looking around confused. "What? I've never had one!"

The redheaded goth puts a hand on Chase's shoulder. "Maybe you should get something else?"

The older man sighed and looks at the menu again, then back at the woman. "Then what's a funnel cake?"

The girl seemed more calm now that the man had unintentionally made her laugh. "Well, it's some batter that's deep-fried in oil and we smother it in your choice of cinnamon, powdered sugar, or both."

Jack and Raimundo's eyes eyes widened at the words "cinnamon, powdered sugar, or both". They already saw what happened the last time Chase had a lot of sugar in one sitting.

"I'll take the funnel cake, then."

"NO!" the two boys screamed.

"Cinnamon, sugar, or both?"

"Both, please."

"GASP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jack screamed. He didn't want to know what happened if Chase Young had both at the same time!

The woman ignores Jack and punches in numbers on the register. "That'll be $21.47."

Since Jack was too busy screaming at Chase not to get the funnel cake, Raimundo reached into Jack's pocket (Jack: GAH! BOUNDARIES!) and took out the ten andtwenty dollar bills Kimiko had given them to spend. With only the thought of filling his stomach with fatty food, he handed over the money to the woman, stuffing the change into his own pocket when she gave it back.

Jack was still trying to convince Chase not to get the funnel cake. "It'll be covered in greasy, fatty crud and the weight will go straight to your perfect, muscular thighs!"

Chase's eyes widened and riveted to Jack, who was frantically waving his arms. "How would you know what my thighs look like, Spicer?"

Jack blushed as he realized what he just said. He turned away, scolding himself for saying something so stupid.

Chase rose an amused eyebrow at this interesting display. It wasn't until he felt Raimundo's presence getting farther and farther away that he realized he was making off with his food. He ran after him, leaving the still embarrassed Jack Spicer.

Jack looked behind him and squeaked when he saw Chase's handsome form disappearing into the crowd and he hurried to follow him.

As the three men ate under a tent where a band was playing (Chase kept eating Jack's cheese fries), it wasn't long before everything was eaten except the funnel cake. Every time Chase made a move to get a piece, Jack would make a noise or say something to distract him from doing it. Raimundo kept cracking up every time.

**Chase: _(reaching for funnel cake)_**

**Jack: **Fatty.

**Chase: _(stops, looks at Jack. ...reaching...)_**

**Jack: **Thighs.

**Chase: _(stops, glares at Jack. ...reaching...)_**

**Jack: **Piggy.

**Chase: _(stops, growls. ...reaching...)_**

**Jack: **Oink oink.

Chase pounds the table, snarling. "Will you stop it!"

Jack stands up, also slamming his palms to the table. "Excuse me for worrying about your physical health!"

"Why would you care, Spicer!"

Raimundo gives Chase a sly look. "You haven't figured it out yet, have you?"

Jack points a menacing finger at Raimundo. "DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!"

Chase took the chance to quickly grab the funnel cake and put it into--

"CHASE! NO!"

"Oof!"

Jack sitting on top of Chase's chest, holding the funnel cake high in the air.

"Spicer, why did you glomp me!"

"It was for your own good!"

Before Chase could reach up and strangle him, Jack jumped off of him and took off with the funnel cake. Chase rose to his feet and bolted after him. Raimundo threw away his food remains and also raced after them.

--

**WITH KIMIKO...**

Kimiko was on a winning streak on the Soul Calibur arcade game. She kept on beating kid after kid after kid, winning whatever tokens they had left, allowing her to play more games. The Japanese Dragon of Fire was just about to beat another kid when she heard girly screaming coming from outside. She glanced out of the tent, a costly mistake that led the kid to defeating her finally. But it was worth it.

She just saw Jack screaming as he ran with the sugary goodness of a funnel cake and Chase was chasing him. Kimiko pocketed the tickets she won from other games and ran outside, ramming into Raimundo.

"Raimundo, what's going on! Who in their right mind would let Chase Young near sugar!" Kim asked angrily.

"Long story! We can't let Chase eat that funnel cake! It has both sugar _and _cinnamon!"

--

**WITH WUYA AGAIN...**

Wuya was strangling Dumbasso and trying to drown him by keeping his head under the water, people cheering her on. She was momentarily distracted when she saw Jack running away from Chase, closely followed by Raimundo and Kimiko.

Kimiko stops, panting. "Wuya! Change of plans! We have to keep that funnel cake away from Chase!"

With a sigh, she drops Dumbasso into the water and walks through the hole shecreated in the metal fencing that was around where he sat; she had missed all ten of her tries and resorted to trying to kill Dumbasso, not caring whether or not she went to prison again. She turns back to see him spluttering, his make-up everywhere. "I'll be right back."

--

**IN THE PETTING ZOO...**

It was pure chaos in the petting zoo. Omi was being attacked by squirrels everywhere, the poor Dragon of Water running around desperately, screaming his head off. Although, he wasn't the only one screaming.

"COMIN' THROUGH!"

Omi paused in his panic. "Jack Spicer?"

Clay, who was trying to help Omi from the squirrels, stopped and saw that Jack was trying to keep some sugar food stuff away from Chase Young, who was hounding him.

"SPICER! GET BACK HERE, DAMMIT!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

When the two male villains, closely followed by Wind, Fire, and Wuya, left the petting zoo area, Clay and Omi ran after them, the squirrels also chasing them.

And so, Jack led them all through the county fair, Chase knocking almost every attraction and tent and shop in his way. He was hungry! It seemed that Jack would never stop running, despite the lack of air in his lungs and the cramp in his side.

Which is why it surprised everyone when he suddenly stopped, everyone slamming into his back as they tried to stop themselves. That caused him to send the funnel cake flying, right into a nearby horse's mouth.

They all looked at the tent that Jack had stopped in front of.

--

Ooh... Long chapter AND cliff hanger! Personally, I think this idea is just plain stupid, but it was stuck in my head for so long...


	8. Part 2: The Tortune Feller

**NOTICE: I have taken down this chapter since, after aging a little (4 years? 5?), I believe it to be racist and I no longer want it up on this site. If people wish to read it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you if you'd like. Leave a review or send me a message telling me so. Sorry for the inconvenience.**

**~HySun~**


	9. Part 1: A Forced Agreement

Hey, peoples! Now, ever since I read sentimentalvalue's "The Xiaolin Sue Parodies", I've wanted to make a parody of my own. So, here it is, no matter how stupid it is. I was going to make this an individual story, but I decided against it. Changed my mind. I do that. A lot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Jill (thank God! due to my overactive mind, she'd annoy the living crap out of me!). But I own the other girl and the walkman.

--

Hybrid the Mary-Sue

Part 1

A Forced Agreement

Jill appears out of no where and smiles.

"Hi, like, people! My, like, name is, like, Jill--"

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_

"LIKE, SHUT UP!"

_**Everyone does.**_

"Anyways... Like, welcome to the, like, 'International School of Mary- Sue' like like."

Jill enters a dark room and spotlight shines on a girl in the middle of the room.

The girl is an African-American with light brown skin. Her face has a light splatter of pimples in some places. Her eyes are dark-brown behind skinny glasses. Her ears are pierced, but there aren't earings in the unclosed holes. Her hair is messy, dark-brown, shoulder-length, and tied in a low pony-tail at the point where her head and neck joined. An indigo headband is wrapped around her forehead, holding her hair back except for a large bang going over the right side of the face. She's not even close to being flat-chested, but her stomach bulged out alot. Her arms are skinny, the hands/fingers long, the nails all different lengths.

Her clothes were pretty casual: a long-sleeved blue hoody with big dark-blue stripes on the elbows and middle, baggy, wrinkled jeans, and tennis shoes with a black stripe on their sides.

The girl looks around, pretty pissed for some reason. "Where the Hell am I!"

"Like, this is our, like, newest student, like!" Jill says perkily.

The girl death-glares at Jill. "You said there'd be barbeque ribs here!"

"In, like, due time. First, we're, like, going to, like, teach you how to be, like, a Mary-Sue, like, like me."

The girl raises athick eyebrow. "Why the fuck would I wanna be like you, girly girl?"

"Because, like, I have, like, the one thing you, like, care about." Jill takes out a...

"MY WALKMAN CD PLAYER! I TORE MY ROOM UP LOOKING FOR THAT! GIVE IT BACK, BITCH!"

Jill puts up an annoying flower barrier that smelled like air freshener. It stopped the girl from attacking and clawingJill's eyes out with her abnormal nails. "Like, no way. You're gonna, like, have to be a, like, Mary-Sue if you, like, ever want to, like, see your walkman in one, like, piece."

The girl sits on the ground, trying to calm herself down by flooding her mind with Chase/Jack 'love'.

"So, do you, like, agree to, like, my terms? You, like, get your precious walkman back, like, if you, like, be a Xiaolin Showdown Mary-Sue."

The girl sighs roughly. "Fine. You'd better keep your promise, though!"

"Like, of course. I'm, like, a Mary-Sue!" Jill says with a smile, her shiny hair swaying a little bit.

"All right. Now, let me out of here."

As soon as the flower barrier disappears, the girl attacks Jill, who screams in fear as her perfect hair is pulled in the African-American's attempts to scalp her.


	10. Part 2: A 'Sue is Born!

Now, some of the stuff here may not be right in a Mary-Sue, but hey. I'm trying something new!

Disclaimer: I only own the Hybrid Sunshine in this story, for she is my very mean, cussing side.

--

Part 2

A Mary-Sue is Born

"Hello! I, Jill, the Dragon of lightness, darkness, rainbows, cookies, butterflies, chocolate, thunder, soap, beauty, lightning, telekeneis, the moon, the sun, the clouds, cake, babies, animals, healing, hairbrushes, cows, horse radish, bananas, ether, dragons, bugs, lakes, and incredibly shiny hair, have risen from, like, being killed by the new student, and I welcome you to Part 2 and I am, like, wearing this band-aid for, like, no raison!" She said that all in one breath.

"It's 'reason', you dumbass!" says the African-American girl, who can't believe that Jill is still alive after her brutal attack. "Also,thanks to your frickin' run-on sentence, no one knows what the Hell you're talking about!"

"It doesn't matter 'cause, like, I'm perfect in, like, every way, so, like, shut the heck up!" Jill says, still smiling her cheesy smile, and yes, there was a band-aid on her cheek.

Then, a weird collar appeared around the other girl's neck. "Hey! What the Hell! GAAAAAH!" She got shocked!

"It's, like, a new procedure that we're, like, doing to make potty-mouth girls to, like, become more polite!"

"What the f-- AAAAAAAAH!" She got shocked again! "What the heck was that!"

"Every time you, like, cuss, you get shocked! Isn't that, like, the most awesome idea ever?"

"Why you little--"

"Ah ah, like, ah." cuts off Jill. "I'd, like, think twice before, like, finishing that sentence!"

The girl folds her arms and starts grumbling.

"Now, let's, like, give you the little, like, test sheet thingy where you, like, mark off what you want!" Jill gives the girl a piece of paper.

The girl in the hoody looked at the paper. It was filled the basic essentials of becoming a Mary-Sue. She sat at the desk that had appeared out of no where. "Fine."

--

About 10 minutes later...

Jill takes the paper. "Okay, let's, like, see what you put down... You, like, put your name as 'Hybrid Sunshine'... That's pretty unusual, so, like, it's alright! Now, since you, like, put 'Hybrid' in it, you should be, like, a hybrid of a human and an animal!"

The girl that is now named 'Hybrid Sunshine' glares at Jill. "Hell no! GAAAAAH!" She got shocked yet again.

"Well, like, why not!"

"Maybe because I **_LIKE_** having thumbs, thank you!"

"But, you, like, have the name 'Hy--"

"I DON'T CARE! YOU'RE A 'SUE AND YOU'RE NOT MIXED WITH AN ANIMAL!"

Jill scoffs. "Like, fine. Now, moving on... For your, like, element, you put down... Air Conditioning?"

"Yes. Air Conditioning. Got a problem with that?"

"But, like, Air Conditioning isn't, like, an element..."

"Neither is horse radish!"

"Like, FINE! Now, like, for color eyes... You put 'Screw you. I want my eyes to stay the same, so bite my shiny, metal, daffodil ass, Like-Like-Saying Bitch'... Like like."

"What? So I like Futurama." Hybrid comments with a smirk.

"You, like, know what, Hybrid? I'm, like, getting just a tincy wincy bit tired of, like, your attitude."

"Like I care-- Ooh! What's that!" Hybrid saw a bottle on a table that had also materialized from the air. She picked it up and read one side of the bottle. It said **DRINK ME**. _How very Alice in Wonderland, _she thought while she drank it.

Once the last of the liquid went down her throat, Hybrid went suddenly still as she dropped the bottle, which shattered, even though it was plastic. Then, she clutched her head, since she was overcome by a bad headache. She gasped and groaned as she felt as though she were set on fire.

Jill watched in interest as Hybrid, who was screaming now, began changing in appearance; her hair (still in low pony-tail) grew in length and shiny-ness; her nails grew or shrank so they were at perfect length; her gut shrank to almost nothing, making her look like one of those skinny super models you see in magazines; her pimples disappeared with many **POOFS** and her hoody and headband turned from blue and indigo to pink and purple.

When Hybrid had calmed down, she turned around to face Jill, opening her eyes to show that they had turned purple, changing colors occasionally. Then, she smiled like a little barbie girl.

Jill smiled when she read the bottle Hybrid had just drank: **INSTA-SUE. GUARANTEED RESULTS.**

"Hybrid Sunshine, Xiaolin Dragon of Air Conditioning, at your, like, service!"

--

Aw crap. My mean ol' bitch side is so stupid...


	11. Part 3: Intro of the Slut

Reason for long update: Computer. Crappy-ness. Won't turn on. Not allowed to use Wordpad on Mom's work computer. Grounding. Getting me angry.

Disclaimer: I own Sue-Hybrid's name and outfit and this stupid story and Master Fung's behavior.

--

Part 3

Introducing: Miss Slutty McSlut-Slut of A/C

"My young Dragons," begins Master Fung. "We have a new student today."

"Who're you talking to?" Dojo asks.

Master Fung opens his eyes and looks around, no Xiaolin Dragons in Training in sight. "What the Hell-- Dojo! I told you to gather the monks!"

Dojo flinches at Fung's anger and lack of a censor. "Hey! I forgot, alright? My favorite show was on! Happy Tree Friends..." the dragon adds as if in a trance.

"But the young monks must be here so they can hear my usual line when introducing a Mary-Sue new student, dammit!"

(A/N: All right. I've been noticing in many MANY fics that Fung always seems to say that particular line whenever he introduces a new student. So, yeah. I'm using that. Also, this is MY Fung that is in here. The 'Something Random' Fung, if you will, so, yeah, he's going to be a cussing fiend when he gets out of character. Can't handle that? Too bad. I happen to prefer this Fung to the original.)

"YOUNG MONKS! GET OVER HERE!"

In a matter of seconds, Raimundo, Omi, Kimiko, and Clay appeared front and center in front of the Temple Master. Instantly, he covered his mouth and sighed.

"Man, the new student hasn't even shown up yet and I'm already out of character..."

"New student?" Omi asked.

"Yes and you missed my line! Now I have to say it again!"

"Hello." came a voice right at the moment Master Fung took in a deep breath to speak.

Everyone's mouths dropped open. Well, almost everyone. Master Fung was having a temper tantrum.

There standing in front of them, was a young African-American girl with super-long super-straight super-shiny dark brown hair and a super-short Xiaolin girl's uniform. I mean, the skirt part was so short, her butt was showing (she was wearing a thong. don't ask me why). Her face was clear of blemishes and her rapidly changing colored eyes were sparkling and her lips had about fifty layers of bright red lipstick. In her ears were big, round hoop earings. Oh, and her uniform is pink and the sash is black around her extremely slim waist/stomach.

To Raimundo, Omi, and Clay, she looked like the most beautiful girl anyone did see.

To Kimiko, she looked like world's biggest, sluttiest ho anyone did see.

(A/N: Pardon that language, but it's true!)

With one bat of her extra long eyelashes, the boys fainted and the Fire girl seethed.

"My name is Hybrid Sunshine and you may call me whatever you like." she said in her perfect voice.

Kimiko nodds. "Okay. Can I call you 'bitch'?"

Hybrid giggles. "Sure! That's my middle name, you know. Hybrid Bitch Sunshine." (A/N: Hey! She's my mean side turned Mary-Sue, so it's believable!)

"Okay, Bitch. I'll show you around."

Raimundo stopped being dead and took Hybrid's hand in his. "No! I WANT TO HAVE SE-- I mean... Show her around!"

"Not if we have a say in this!" Clay and Omi also stopped being deceased, Omi clinging to her perfect leg, Clay around her waist.

"I'm the Dragon of Air Conditioning!" Hybrid added with a giggle. Giggling's her thing apparently. As soon as she said 'Air Conditioning', an air conditioner fell from the sky and landed with a clang on the ground.

Everyone gasped. _That TOTALLY beats my element!_, they thought simultaneously.

Master Fung was still furious. "Alright, I'm going to be conveniantly gone so y'all can get laid. DON'T ASK ME WHERE I'M GOING! I'm going to the bar..." He stomps off.

Hybrid covers her mouth. "Wow! That is, like, so conveniant!"

"She's so smart..." The boys sigh as they walked (to their bedrooms).

Kimiko's ears smoke. "Yeah, she's a frickin' genius." she says through clenched teeth.

--

I love this Master Fung. Also, just so you know, Sue-Hybrid doesn't have glasses here. That's kind of important here. I want to get this finished as fast as I can. Also, yeah. The bar is where I think Fung goes when a Mary-Sue does some stuff.


	12. Part 4: Wearing Off and First Kidnapping

Disclaimer: What do you think? Also, there are some spoilers from sentimentalvalue's fic "The Xiaolin Sue Parodies". It's way better than this crap.

--

Part 4

Effects Wearing Off and First Kidnapping

When Hybrid a.k.a Bitch woke up, she found herself in a bed full of men. Her head hurt like Hell and was thankful that she was still dressed.

"Ugh... Where the... What the... Huh? Why am I not eating barbeque ribs right now! And what the Hell am I wearing! And why does my ass hurt! And why am I still lying here and not getting the Hell out of here! WHERE'S MY WALKMAN!"

Ol' Bitch Hybrid's comin' back to her senses...

--

In some room full of TVs monitering people, Jill is currently watching a TV of her ex-boyfriend/father, Chase Young, leaving for somewhere.

"Where are you, like, going, like, father, like like?" the evilly annoying Mary-Sue asks to herself through a mouthful of popcorn.

Then, a red light began flashing on and off, making the room glow red off and on. Jill dropped her popcorn bag without it spilling since she's obviously perfect in everyway and pressed a button. All of the TV screens turned off momentarily, then they all showed the courtyard of the Xiaolin Temple with Hybrid storming toward the gates to leave. By reading her lips, Jill could tell she was saying some very bad things about barbeque ribs, walkmans, murdering the person who invented make-up, and, more importantly, about killing Jill.

"Like, oh, like, no! The, like, Insta-Sue must be, like, wearing off!" Jill exclaimed the obvious. "I must take immediate action, like like like like like..."

Then, she disappeared. Only God knows how.

--

Hybrid was about done wiping her face clean of the make-up and relieving herself of the horribly tight clothes around her now bulging waist. Her hair was starting to poof up and shorten in length and shiny-ness. However, Hybrid had tied it back in the usual low pony-tail thing before it turned into an afro. She had found her original clothes somewhere (original blue colors), but didn't remember where for she was stupid like that, and was done putting them on when Jill appeared in front of her.

"YOU!"

Jill put up another air-freshener-smelling barrier to stop the enraged Hybrid's attack. "Like, stand, like, still. You need to take your medicine! LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LI--"

"SHUT UP! STOP SAYING 'LIKE'! GIMME BACK MY FRICKIN' WALKMAN, BITCH! **AIR CONDITIONING POWER!**"

Jill was killed by about a million air conditioners that fell from the sky and landed on her oh-so-perfect body, squishing her.

Hybrid laughs. "Revive yourself from that, bitch! Thanks for the powers, though. Now I won't be cooked alive in the trailer I live in with my mom and annoying step-dad and two baby sisters! MUAHAHAHAHA--Mmm?" The Insta-Sue bottle had landed in her mouth, though she spat it out too late, for the last few drops went down her throat. "Crappers."

Then, she fainted, her hair and make-up back in Sue Mode. Her clothes even turned to pink and purple colors.

Chase Young had then decided to appear out of nowhere. "I am here to kidnap the new Mary-Sue student and teach her the ways of... evil?" He looked at his surroundings; a pile of air conditioners and an unconsious African-American girl with really long and shiny straight hair and lots of make-up.

"Well, this is conveniant." He picked up Hybrid and disappeared.

Jill then poked her head out from the air conditioner pile. "Hybrid, like like? Hybrid, like like! She, like, got kidnapped! By, like, Chase Young, my father of which I, like, tried to get it on with, like like! I know this, like, 'cause, like, I'm a, like, Mary-Sue and, like, I, like, know everything, like like! ...Wow, I really, like, do sound, like, annoying..."

--

'Til next time, I guess.


	13. Part 5: Crap Happens and Normalness

Disclaimer: Don't own Jill, she belongs to SV. More spoilers from her story which I don't own. Don't own 'Xiaolin Showdown' or their characters. Only own Hybrid. People should know this by now.

--

Part 5

Crap Happens at Chase's House and "Normalness"

When Hybrid/Bitch woke up, she found she was no longer at the Xiaolin Temple gates. Instead, she was in a cavernous room. She had shackle-like things clamped around her wrists and ankles, which were attached to four different chains. They were up so her body was about four feet up in the air in a somewhat standing position, her arms and legs like an X, stretching just enough so she couldn't move, so she was sort of exposed. (She's still clothed, pervs!)

Hybrid tried to move, but, as said in the previous paragraph, she couldn't really move. After a few attempts of **AIR CONDITIONING** herself out (the air conditioners weren't heavy enough to break through the chains), she dropped her head in defeat.

"What're you in for?" came a voice.

The African-American lifted her head and turned it to the left and saw a red-haired, extremely pale boy in a ripped red tank top, frayed black pants, and cracked, yellow, swirly goggles on his head. He had weird black marks drawn under his eyes, probably to enhance the somewhat goth look.

"Jack Spicer?"

He nodded. Hybrid noticed he was also chained up. However, his shackle-things around his wrists were so his arms were extended upwards for they (shackles) were connected to a chain that came down from the celing, the shackles on each wrist connected to the other so they were somewhat together. His ankles were free, though it seemed as if he were very close to standing on his toes if only the chain were pulling him just a bit higher. Also, he was wearing a collar with a leash attached.

Jack's position and appearance seemed to trigger something in Hybrid's badly warped brain, for she imagined something very perverted, but she was still under the effects of the few drops of Insta-Sue, so it didn't really matter.

She grinned widely. "So that's why I haven't done it with you yet! You were captured by... someone!"

"Wait. You mean to say _you're _the Mary-Sue?"

"Yup-yup! I'm the Dragon of Air Conditioning! (giggle!)"

"Which would explain why Chase kidnapped you. Almost every 'Sue gets kidnapped by the evil character they like." Jack concluded.

"Why are you here, Jackie?" Hybrid asked. "Did someone kidnap you, too?"

"No." Jack says. "I'm here because of a Mary-Sue like you, but one who's even more annoying. One who constantly says 'like' all the time and dumped me for Chase and all that crap."

"Jill." The name came to Hybrid instantly, and her expression darkened. "It's all her fault."

Jack turned to face the now furious Hybrid Sunshine, the chain creaking as he did. "You know her?"

"Oh-ho-ho, I know her alright." Hybrid's hair began shortening. "It's her fault that I'm here."

"I knew it! You're too different to be a Mary-Sue, which is why I didn't fall in love with you at first sight! Well, by free will. Let me guess. Insta-Sue?"

"I drank something that said '**DRINK ME**'. Reminded me of 'Alice in Wonderland'." Her eyes returned to regular dark-brown and her clothes turned back to normal.

Jack watched the transformation, fascinated. "Yup. Insta-Sue. Saw it at Meijer at half-off." (don't own Meijer either!)

"Spicer! Stop talking to the Mary-Sue!"

Chase had come in, slamming the door shut behind him. Hybrid, who was becoming more normal than ever, watched him walk toward the redhead, more perverted thoughts forming as Chase held Jack's chin in his hand, simply looking at him.

Jack whimpered, since apparently Chase's grip had tightened.

Hybrid, who looked pretty normal now, was hyperventilating. It appeared that the ChaseJack contact was speeding up the wearing off of the Insta-Sue, even though they weren't really doing anything dirty. It was all in her head. Well, it might also be because she only had, like, three drops of the stuff.

"Ooh... This is hot... Hot hot hot..."

Chase snapped out of it, let go of Jack, and stalked over to Hybrid, who stared at him.

Then, she smirked. "Now Jack's pose makes sense."

Chase's eyes widened. "What are you implying!"

"Nothin'-- AAAAAAAAH! I'M BLIND! CAN'T SEE!" she suddenly screamed, her brown eyes wide.

The Evil Boy Genius and the evil warrior both flinched in surprise. Chase covered his ears, Jack, unfortunately couldn't, so he had to deal with his aching eardrums.

"WHAT IS HER PROBLEM!" Young shouted over Hybrid's screams.

"I THINK SHE'S BLIND! I REMEMBER, WHEN SHE WAS ON THE CATBUS WITH US IN CHAPTER 2, SHE WAS WEARING GLASSES!" Jack also hollers, tears streaming from his eyes from the loudness and pain in his ears.

"BLURRY!"

Chase looked around desperately, then saw something sticking out of Hybrid's jeans pocket. He tried his best to ignore the girl's screaming and quickly took out the pair of glasses from her pocket. Then, he placed the glasses in their rightful place on Hybrid Bitch Sunshine's face.

Hybrid stopped instantly and said, "WHERE THE HELL AM I!"

"You're welcome." Young sarcastically told her.

Jack was blinking. "...I think my ears are bleeding..."

"Hey! You're Chase Young and Jack Spicer! Hybrid Bitch Sunshine. Big fan. Let me down."

"Well, since you're not a 'Sue anymore..." Chase waved a hand over Hybrid's shackles and they unlocked with a **_CLICK_**, letting her fall to the ground on her butt.

"MY ASS!"

"Definately not a 'Sue. If you were, you would've landed on your feet out of perfection." the guy in armor commented. Then, he sighed. "I was looking so forward to sleeping with someone..."

Hybrid points at Jack. "You can sleep with him. And when you do, would you mind if I taped it?"

Jack and Chase made disqusted noises at her.

Hybrid sounded angry and disappointed when she said, "Alright, fine! Be that way! Then why is Jack shackled like _that_!" She added, pointing at Jack. She puts on a sly expression. "Looks kinda kinky, ya know?"

"I ran out of shackle-things to put on his ankles." Chase Young replied with a shrug.

Jack was about to say something, but was interupted by a large **BOOM!** There, standing in the new hole in the wall, were the Wudai Warriors and Dojo.

Raimundo was the first to speak. "The spell wore off, Chase!"

Omi smiled. "We are no longer pawns in Jill's sick game!"

Chase nodded. "I feel very evil and in character again."

Clay and Kimiko ran over and helped Hybrid up, who then shook them off with a "Let go of me! I can get up myself!".

"LIKE, NOOOOOOOOO!"

Everyone looked in the center of the room/dungeon place and saw Jill stomping her feet. She looked very annoyed.

"LIKE, THIS WAS, LIKE, NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"

Hybrid and Kimiko glared daggers at the Mary-Sue. "YOU!"

Kimiko looked around. "Where's my machine gun!"

Sunshine pointed a finger at Jill. "WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD, BITCH!"

"'Cause, like, I can't die, like like."

Then, Chase kicked her into the wall. The wall crumbled down, but Jill was still in perfect shape, but slumped on the wall. "That's for making me turn temporarily good!"

"Chase! Let me out of here!" Jack shouted, moving his wrists so the chain would creak some more. "I wanna hurt her, too!"

Young snapped his fingers and Jack was freed. It wasn't long 'til everyone was surrounding the now cowering Jill.

"L-like, don't make m-me put up the flower ba-barrier, like like!" she stammered.

Hybrid took out the rubber band that was holding her hair together, causing her hair to poof up into a giant afro. "**AFRO POWER!**" Lots of mini Hybrids crawled out of her afro (all saying "AFRO AFRO AFRO!") and onto Jill's body. They all started biting her and pulling her hair and poking her with tiny sticks (them saying "I POKE YOU!").

(A/N: I don't really own that idea. It came from 'Excel Saga', since the guy can make his afro do weird things. I mean, he pulls out guns from his afro, make little mini versions of himself come out... Y'know. I just love it!)

"LIKE, OW! STOP, LIKE, IT! WHEN DID YOU GET **AFRO POWERS**? YOU ONLY PUT DOWN 'AIR CONDITIONING'!"

"I wrote it in tiny little lettering next to 'air conditioning'. (air conditioner falls in background) My friend taught me how to write like that in fifth grade." Hybrid says proudly.

Then, everyone began punching Jill and kicking Jill and poking Jill and biting Jill and dropping heavy air conditioners on Jill and afro-smothering Jill and... basically anything to hurt Jill, shouting different things.

"PUNCH HER!"

"DIE, BE-YATCH!"

"BUCKA!" (Jack cursing)

"AIM FOR HER NUTS!"

Everyone stopped momentarily and stared at Clay, who had said it.

"What?"

--

Later that night... Well, it was dawn, the Xiaolin Warriors and Dojo took Hybrid back to the Temple. Omi ran inside and came back out with the Golden Tiger Claws, giving them to Hybrid.

"Just think of where you wish to go and--"

"I know how to use them, jackass." Hybrid interupts the bald, yellow kid, who merely stared at her while she slashed a portal and jumped in, portal disappearing.

"Yeesh, what a bitch." says Omi.

Everyone agreed.

Then, Master Fung came walking out to greet them. "Welcome back, young monks and Dojo. I have a splitting headache right now, but I choose not to show it for I am trying to stay in character, for the Mary-Sue is gone. Come inside and have some dinner."

Everyone does so and half-way through the meal, Raimundo gasped. "SHE TOOK THE GOLDEN TIGER CLAWS!"

--

In Michigan... Bitch-Hybrid was standing outside Johnny B's resteraunt, blasting her walkman's music in her ears.

"Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee! Barbeque ribs, here I come!"

All in all, it was a happy ending.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIKEE!"

...Or was it?

(insert dramatic music)

**Me: **TO BE CONTIN--

**Bitch-Hybrid:** Oh, HELL NO!

**Me: **What?

**Bitch-Hybrid**: Forget it! This thing is finished!

**Me: **But, there's a cliff--

**Bitch-Hybrid: AIR CONDITIONING!**

**Me: **(gets hit by air conditioner) OW!

**Bitch-Hybrid: **There ain't gonna be no sequel to this sh(BEEP!) other than random sh(BEEP!)! So, y'all betta BACK OFF ABOUT IT!

**Me: **Bitch...

--

So ends my crappy not-so-much-a-parody finally.


	14. JUST A NOTE

I apologize that this isn't an actual update. I'm still not in a great position to actually write fanfiction anymore. The Muses are pushing more for fanarts and drawings/comics since they realize that my status as a college student now really doesn't give me time to concentrate on writing fanfiction. Sorryz. =(

However, I gotta say, I have been getting a few requests to e-mail people the "Tortune Feller" chapter. Those that want it should give me their e-mail address so I can actually send it to them. Just a simple request. Heh, don't expect me to spam anyone; I'll most likely forget the e-mail address five minutes later. ^_^U

Just sayin', dudes.

~HySun~


End file.
